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Man Club – April 2013 Edition (Man Flags)

In conjunction with the bedazzling post from the April 2013 Female Code monthly edition, I suggested we men should have a flag system to communicate with our wives.  Since women are now bedazzling their body parts, why can’t we men hoist flags on ours?  Some men would have difficulty making […]

Female Code – April 2013 Edition (Bedazzled Body Parts)

Every so often I spy on women’s blogs, just to get material for this monthly post.  For context, you might want to read this blog’s post first [Beware it concerns what some women do to be bedazzled in the private area] Now that you have read this, do you now […]

Famous Hamish Hogmanay

There are always men out there who are willing to try anything to make a living, and Famous Hamish is no exception.  So why not book your next vacation to a little known Hawaiian paradise hideaway. We hear it all the time, people getting tired of the same old grass […]

I can, I will and I did

I just finished watching Les Miserables.  Something struck me from the lyrics to the song, “I dreamed a dream” which ended with, ” Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.” This last week I came to the realization that it is not life itself that kills the dreams of […]

1-800-URM-ONEY (Phone Phun)

This spring break I went home to visit my parents and to deliver their tax return.  Exciting – huh?  My mother just turned 78 on March 23rd, and let me say her patience is no longer present.  If the phone rings, and she has caller ID, she knows who is […]

Coffee Chaos – March 2013 Edition (Cupcakes)

WARNING – Gratuitous Nudity Below As you might have figured out this month’s blog posts were dedicated to cupcakes.  Why?  I haven’t a clue, somehow everything I read or heard this month was connected to cupcakes.  Don’t get me wrong, I applaud all the entrepreneurs that are cashing in on […]

Apocalypse Monthly – Spring Break 2013

I just read another blogger’s hilarious take on spring break trip to Six Flags San Antonio.  It has been years since I ventured to a theme park, let alone a Walmart store. Why?  If you ever want to experience empirical evidence of devolution and digression just pick a spot where […]

The Man Flick

I just had to write this, because I had to sit through Under the Tuscan Sun, again, about a woman with a new life in Italy. The character runs into the man of her dreams, but is set back, when he turns away from her because of a perceived lack […]

Fowls Gone Wild

Just to give you an idea of how absurd I am, I stalk my friends on Facebook for my material.  Every so often they surprise me with some of their posts, like the one today, “Got some chicken breast out.. Any suggestions folks? I’m up to trying something new..” Now […]

The Other “F” Word – Bran Brand Bombs

I always watch my blog statistics to see what people are interested in reading.  Appears Farts are leading the interest of our intellect craving nation, well, other than sex.  Today’s commentary has to do with the inappropriate branding and nutrition information of cereals that have fiber as an ingredient.  There […]

A Conversation About Death

As a man the age of 53, I still hope to have another 25-30 years of life ahead of me.  Much of what determines my age of death is in my genetics.  My grandparents averaged around the age of 84.  That gives me about 31 more years.  However, anything can […]

Famous Hamish Hot Rods and Hot Haggis To Go

Welcome to Famous Hamish’s Hot Rods and Hot Haggis To Go.  We want your buying experience to be pleasant, even though you are a peasant.  Take for example this 1932 Highland Hummer.  Aye, what a beauty!  It only has 3,000,000 miles and is only $4,500.  They don’t make beauties like […]

Golf Indigestion – March 2013 Edition (White Gangsta Golfers)

I have never understood the fascination with the hip-hop world, especially white boys pretending to have rhythm and ghetto swagger.  If you feel I am wrong about this, please watch this. [youtube=http://youtu.be/iiiOqybRvsM] Are you still confused?  What about Justin Bleeber, or whatever he is?  You all should know by now […]

Hey, I can do that!

You see them all the time, little sayings embedded around cute pictures of puppies and kittens, or women without coffee (not so cute).  I always wondered how they did it.  In 2011, I purchased the Adobe Creative Suite Master Edition so that I could become a self publisher of my […]

The Other “F” Word

I truly try not to swear, I don’t like it when bad words roll off my tongue, and I certainly do not try to write about it.  However, the other “F” word is okay to talk about, because it involves something we all do, no matter how straight-laced, upper class, […]

Man Club – March 2013 Edition (The Great Cupcake Conspiracy)

Each month I pick a topic and somehow insanely blend it into my growing list of monthly blog posts.  This month’s insanity is cupcakes, because it seems to be a huge international conspiracy and trend.  To get men interested in the trend, ladies are topping the silly little cakes with […]

Female Code – March 2013 Edition (Baby Race Cupcake Festival)

As I have notified my two readers before, I am approaching 54 years on this blue ball.  Writing allows me openly discuss my observations of people.  Now I take these observations to extremes for the sake of a laugh, or two.  What I have noticed lately is the newest race, […]

You Shall Not Pass – I Double Daughter Dare you!

We all recall the great words of Gandalf the White’s famous words to the Balrog – “You Shall Not Pass.”  Wait, no, that’s actually from Monty Python’s Holy Grail.  Wait, no, that’s not it either. [youtube=http://youtu.be/gXY9TuuwyL8] Whatever. The point is that this applies to the household of Famous Hamish.  Just […]

To Hair is Human

I may  have mentioned 1,000 times that I am 53 years old.  I remember a day when hair on men was considered manly.  Remember Tom Selleck?  My best friend was loaded with chest hairs and attracted all the girls.  Envious as I was, I shaved my chest to grow hair.  […]

The New Laptops – Version 44DD.1

So you thought this was going to be about computers, didn’t you?  Nope it’s about women’s breasts implants.  Now I am a 53 year old man who has seen breast implant technology  from version 1.1 to our current versions.  They once looked normal and inviting, today they look like nuclear […]

To be or not to… wait, what was the question?

Every so often someone on Facebook will post a photo for the sake of laughing at absurd generations past.  Today’s post was no different.  Do you recall the great mullet outbreak? That’s right, the great mullet outbreak of the late 1980’s.  Everyone in the family had to get in on […]

Ginger or Mary Ann – Part Deux

A blogger was curious if all men have a fantasy island, where the only thoughts are of food and sex?  She was referring to my first post on the philosophical question of Ginger or Mary Ann? I mentioned the F5 gene of most men, which are : Food Football Fixing […]

The Madness of Photoshop

As an independent author and publisher, I have to wear many hats or kilts.  When I made the decision to control my creative universe, I knew I’d have to learn many new technologies for the task.  I invested in Adobe Creative Suite – Master Edition CS5.  Each day I try […]

Ginger or Mary Ann?

My daughter is now on a kick to see how I can create humor around photos.  For us aging men, there has always been a deep and daily thought on what would happen if we were stranded on an island and had only two choices of who to be stranded […]

Banished Coffee Brands

Before any of my dribble will make any sense, watch this clip for background. [youtube=http://youtu.be/ijIq_-8HJo8] Now that you have watched this classic clip, my dribble still will make no sense.  The genius of being a Monthy Python groupie is to be able to take something relatively benign and sane, and […]

For the Love of my Daughter

My daughter believes my blog needs a little less dash of bacon and more dashes of fashion.  She gave me this photo and challenged me to write something humorous about it.  Where can I possibly start?  For once I was almost speechless, well, fingerless since this is a blog.  I […]

Happy Bacon Day

Today is Valentine’s Day.  A day where we men will spend billions on candy, flowers, lingerie and giant teddy bears.  Only the retailers and dentists really get the economic boost for this day, while our 401(k)’s take a nose dive.   What do we men get other than the once […]

Good Coffee Gone Bad – yea, yea, yea.

There is a song by Bad Company titled Good Lovin Gone Bad.  Well today while I was reading news for trends, I came across a very disturbing article on FoxNews.com.  Yes, I read Fox, CNN, NYTimes, USA Today, Reuters and the BBC.  I like a full perspective of our insane […]

Ignorant Men – We Were Born This Way

As many of you well know I write a monthly blog edition titled Female Code.  I’ve been deeply in love with and married to the same woman for 32 years. Yet, I am as deeply confused and no closer to the summit of enlightenment when it comes to understanding women.  […]

The Game of Throne Builders

Every so often you get an email or a Facebook post that has hilarious images embedded within.  You know what I refer to, those photos of the people of Walmart next to their disgusting surnames. We are disgusted by them, but they make us feel sane. Today was a great […]

Apocalypse Monthly – February 2013 (Ice Cream Wars)

My Facebook friend and fellow author from the United Kingdom, Danny Kemp, is always striking my funny bone with many of his comments.  Today’s comment: Status: Home. Mood: Petulant. Outlook: Uncertain. Prospects Of Peace: None. Eventual Outcome: Defeat. Cause Of Conflict…………NO ICE CREAM! And there you have it, how one […]

Man Club – February 2013 Edition (Super Whale Bowl)

For those of you who read my blog you will know that football is in my blood.  My father won two national championships and went undefeated in his time at The University of Oklahoma that built a 47 game win streak in the 1950’s, that still stands today.  However, I […]

Coffee Chaos – February 2013 Edition (Classy Coffee – Yaz!)

I am a simple man.  I love one type of coffee, Colombian Supremo.  Straight, black and hairy.  You will most likely find me in old worn out gym sweats slurping down my supremo from a duct tape riddled insulated mug.  The duct tape is required to secure the mug to […]

Female Code – February 2013 Edition (Superbowl Halftimes)

Today in my weekly Toastmasters club meeting, one of our lady members wanted to know why the super bowl isn’t spiced up for the ladies?  That’s valid question I thought, until she gave a little more background into what she thought.  She wanted Chippendales or the Thunder Down Under male […]

The Chronicles (Spoilers Alert)

My wife informed me last night that one of my first readers and reviewers to give me five stars wanted to know when the next book was to arrive.  The first book of the chronicles is nearing completion.  For those that have read the trilogy, I want you to understand […]

Songs that make you hurl haggis

Today on Facebook a friend posed an interesting question. Okay, What’s a song that you’ll be thrilled if you never ever hear it again? Mine is, “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” so tired of this song. So over played. What’s yours? My response was Loving You by Minnie Riperton.  […]

Caffeine is not a crime – withholding Caffeine is

Recently I was interviewed by United Kingdom author Jane Isaac.  Her blog is titled Caffeine is not a crime.  Well I have to disagree.  Withholding caffeine from addicted coffee lovers can lead to a crime, mob chaos and World War III. Many of you may not be old enough to […]

For the Love of Children

This picture says it all.  Children age us, they break us and they make us insane.  The only reason we have children it is said, is to have grandchildren.  This grandparent phase of life is great.  You get to watch your children age, go broke and insane, and you high-five […]

Flash Erotic Fiction

It seems as though everyone is writing erotic fiction.  I can’t tell if these are young lonely people, fantasizing about love, or just trying to prove if human combustion from the heated passion of writing is possible.  So I thought I’d give it a try. Arlene walked into the room […]

Empathy for a Creator

Empathy, sometimes a forgotten word in this self centered world, were sympathy and apathy are more common.   Here’s the definition for the sake of this post, The power of understanding and imaginatively entering into another person’s feelings. Recently I posted a thought on my Facebook  page regarding the power of […]

Man Club – January 2013 Edition (The Female Apocalypse)

This month I mentioned I created a new monthly edition appropriately titled Apocalypse Monthly.  There is a reason for this that affects man club members.  This is to coincide with the monthly female apocalypse.  That time of month where women, armed with nukes, would destroy all of us men. The […]

The Desperately Humorous Accountant

If you have ever been an accountant, you may experience what many accountants experience, the desire to escape and live an exciting and imaginative life.  An accountant with an imagination is one you should try to avoid, unless you like having meetings at the prison visitors room. I have tried […]

I am Murlach

I am a military captain of the Dayanaran race. We are the brown skinned engineers of the world of Allivar.  I have been a slave in king Yubal’s possession my entire life.  I yearn for the freedom of my mind and body. I want to build instruments of peace, not […]

I am Beloth

I am the greatest military general in the service of the seventh king of Allivar.  My name is cursed by my race, the Vanavaran, the black skinned fishermen of the world of Allivar. Should I appear to them this day, they would behead me. for they have suffered like no […]