Golf Indigestion – February 2013 (Smack Back Attitude)

Watch this video for perspective.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/bulLh_-Fal8]

I’m sorry, but no, I’m really not. Foooore is actually a code word for, “I’m coming through you slow #$%#^$^!”

As you recall from prior posts, I suck at the game called golf.  Those that wait behind me need to learn the art of patience.  I will get to the green soon enough.  I truly try to hurry and get out of your way.  How many of you have actually had someone kinda put pressure on you?  We see this every day when we commute. Some lard brain tailgates you at 70 mph, when all you are doing is traveling as fast as the people in front of you.  Being a careful driver (not in the golf sense) I leave a least two car lengths ahead of me clear for safety reasons.  So what does lard brain behind me do?  He wants to fill that safety gap with his NASCAR experience,  so he can be one nanosecond closer to getting home. This driver veers around and tries to take the spot and is cut off by the slower lane and in fact is now ten cars behind me. Sweet!  I think I can hear him screaming, “You slow #$%#^$^!”

This same type of tactic has happened to me on the golf course.  I’ll be standing there getting ready for shot when a ball comes charging by. Not only that, but they didn’t even yell FORE.  So how does yours truly handle such poor golfing protocol?  I take an extra swing with their ball.  Now this is the only time in golf my aim is perfect.  I line up to the dense wooded area, yell fore for the benefit of the squirrels and other furry forest creatures and nail a perfect shot into no mans land.  Then as the lard heads behind me come up from behind, they spend time looking for their balls. Those with such excellently shaped athletic beer guts, will never be able to find their balls, if you know what I mean.  They ask me if I saw their balls.  I reply, “Sorry, your shots must be back behind you.”  Then I snicker and move forward to my next truly horrible shot. Soon they pull out new balls their wife’s gave them for Christmas with new BDSM logo’s and drive to me again! Now you would think they would get the point, this is going to be painful for you lard heads if you continue this.

So as they start to slow everyone back behind them, they are getting some of their own smack back attitude, as the golfers behind them also yell out, “You slow #$%#^$^!”  By the end of the day all those ball less golfers that were behind me are now at the 19th hole creating a small riot, similar to the Tiger’s ex chasing him with her driver skills (not the automobile kind).  I sit there with my Mai Tai enjoying the spectacle that only golfing brings to hot lard insulated mature men. Soon they have bent and warped their complete golfing set over each others heads.  But don’t worry, lard rebounds. This keeps golf equipment manufacturers busy. This is the only time I truly enjoy golf, instead of my usual self-induced golfing indigestion, I get to be the deliverer of chaos and #$%#^$^ indigestion.

I’m sorry, but no, I’m really not. (snicker)

With this in mind, what poor golf etiquette have you seen and what indigestion have you created lately?