The New Laptops – Version 44DD.1

So you thought this was going to be about computers, didn’t you?  Nope it’s about women’s breasts implants.  Now I am a 53 year old man who has seen breast implant technology  from version 1.1 to our current versions.  They once looked normal and inviting, today they look like nuclear torpedoes and so frightening.  Hey, that rhymes!

Each year the breasts seem to get higher, sturdier and more unnatural.  Soon the breasts will be so high, ladies will have to peek out from behind them.  For us guys this is okay for a variety of reasons, but the most advantageous is that we can finally look you in the eyes, with a great big smile.  Until that day arrives the current versions create an artificial human chest shelf.

You’ve heard of shelf butts, well I call these new breast implants, Laptops – Version 44DD.1 These new devices are for lapping or scraping in food into the mouth without a plate.  At first I thought this was part of the female code to attract men, but it is in fact, the newest method to decrease the amount of water used in dish washing.  Women all take showers or baths right? (well, we hope)  So there is no need to waste extra water or have costly China and China cabinets.  They replace the need for TV trays, while dancing with Bobby and Boobs airs.

You think I am kidding don’t you?  Some of you ladies are already using your nuclear weapons as trash compactors and demolition wrecking balls.  I have proof!  I swear you can’t make this stuff up. Watch here.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/ky4I0Wj4ldg]

Wow, America sure does have A LOT of intellectual talent!  So next time you hear a well endowed woman talk about a man’s brains being relocated elsewhere, be sure to link them to this video.

Now this may sound strange but I’m a hair man.  I love long brunette hair, so my wife is really lucky I found her.  So what does she do, she cuts it short.  For over 20 years she often pondered if she should get a new laptop, because she was never naturally endowed, and deflated even more after two breast feeding vampires for children, so she thought she was due an upgrade.  At the time I wanted her to have self-esteem, until we saw the laptop’s price and some news shows on the damage done by defective laptop manufacturers and installers.  That’s when I decided China wasn’t such a bad investment, not the country, the dish set. So we compromised.  She gets a new kitchen and I wash the dishes.

I also crush the beer cans for recycling and do the remodeling demolition. Hey, I have finally found I have a natural talent and use for my man boobs – Training Version 1.A, strapless.

Disclaimer:  I ran this through my wife’s editorial expertise on women.  She suggested that it might offend women who have had breast cancer.  Please know this, my mother had a double mastectomy when I was 14.  She handled her loss very well, when my father said he didn’t marry her for her breasts. She never wanted implants and wore pads or falsies.  She would even has us rolling on the floor laughing with her humor about this issue. Much of my inner spirit is derived from her strength, and much of my insane humor is also from her.  From my father, I inherited the best of what men should be. If this post offends a single woman, I sincerely apologize. My only goal is for people to have  a laugh, even at the expense of oneself, because life is hard enough in this breast obsessed world we now live in.