Apocalypse Monthly – February 2013 (Ice Cream Wars)

My Facebook friend and fellow author from the United Kingdom, Danny Kemp, is always striking my funny bone with many of his comments.  Today’s comment:

Status: Home. Mood: Petulant. Outlook: Uncertain. Prospects Of Peace: None. Eventual Outcome: Defeat. Cause Of Conflict…………NO ICE CREAM!

And there you have it, how one man’s apocalyptic fears can start a worldwide panic.  I’m sure that many of his followers took off to check the freezer to discover they had no ice cream either. OMG! Soon hundreds of people will be rushing to the stores to hoard ice cream.  Soon there will be a run on rocky road, riots for orange sherbert push ups, and a stampede for nutty buddies.People will go all funky for a shortage of Chunky Monkey. People will perspire for Schweddy Balls. Others will suffer flesh wounds for Vermonty Python. Some will go fifty shades grayer for Karamel Sutra.

For those of us who live in the southern USA the shortage of ice cream would also be a serious issue.  Forget we are low on fresh water, but any interruption of ice cream and their 10,000 calories, would have people losing weight and becoming, well, plain irritable.  You’ve heard that song with the lyrics – A country boy can survive!  Don’t believe that for a minute, without cream, ice and rock salt, they cannot make homemade vanilla ice cream.  I am certain this was the cause of the Hatfield and McCoy wars.

As I read on I discovered an interesting historical fact. People actually do fight over ice cream.  Read here about the Glasgow Ice Cream wars of the 1980’s.  I kid you not!  The mafia was involved and everything, there were drugs, killings – all over ice cream.

As I researched for this apocalyptic vision of the future I ran across this link from the Food Network on unusual ice creams around the world. Squid Ink ice cream just about made me lose my breakfast and desire for ice cream forever. Even Asian’s (see proof above) who normally love squid, balk at the frozen confection asphyxiate. If they ever serve Haggis on a Belgian waffle cone, I’ll hurl for sure.  Now if they ever run out of coffee flavored ice cream, the world is over and the armies shall amass.  But you know what? I will survive. I think I can outrun Haggitha Boo Boo – the Supreme Queen of Cream.

What’s in your cone?

PS – I debated whether to include the stock photo of the obese woman.  As I stated in my last post, we must address the causes of our obesity and the deadly consequences of inaction. When a general of the joint chiefs of staff stated we may not be able to go to war with the physical condition of our youth, we must honestly address the coming healthcare apocalypse.  Medicare is unfunded by the amount of $43 trillion.  We must take action into our own hands.