Female Code – April 2013 Edition (Bedazzled Body Parts)

Every so often I spy on women’s blogs, just to get material for this monthly post.  For context, you might want to read this blog’s post first [Beware it concerns what some women do to be bedazzled in the private area]

Now that you have read this, do you now understand why we men are confused, now more than ever?  It’s not enough to just get a wink from a pretty girl, oh no, we have to be bedazzled by every body part. Because all is fair in love and war, right? Tramp stamps weren’t enough?  Now if we are in a room with several women, we have to be bedazzled as though going through a De Beers diamond mine. But is this really for us guys, or just a warped and mutated gene in the female code that takes women to such drastic and sometimes foolish remodeling efforts?  I mean really, who makes this stuff up?  Is there an association of female body bling professionals who vote on the next outrageous thing to do to ones body?  Let me guess, the next trend is a surgically implanted tiara, right?

So all of this lead me to a thought. Why let women have all the fun? Why don’t guys have mini flags?  Sailors use flags to indicate actions to be taken, so why not guys?  We can walk around with little flags hanging from our groins indicating our moods, like a pirate flag.  This could tell ladies we were feeling dastardly and swashbuckling – argh.  White flags mean we are in no mood for an argument.  Little green flags, means “Come and get it!” We could even have flags that indicate what we want for dinner that night.  We men would never have to say a word.  It’s brilliant, I tell you!

I invaded another lady’s blog and took this from her Facebook page.  Notice their rather limited knowledge of us men?  Notice the word “her” on the left?  Well since we are entering new uncharted universes, let’s add a few more to the right side.

First, the two items should say “Her shows up naked” and “Her brings beer.”  Yes, it is very poor grammar I know, but in order for the sexes to coexist, we must make sure “her” is in everything.  Now add the following:

• Let her cook bacon
• Let her mow the lawn
• Let her kill the mice
• Let her bedazzle herself
• Let her raise and lower the man flags

You see, we men are very easy to make happy, we adapt when we understand the female code.  So go ahead, keep bedazzling and mutating yourselves. I expect very soon to see bedazzling buttocks on display as the war over limited male resources heats up.  But, should you see us men, on a day of male solidarity, with our white flags gloriously waving in the wind of war, at half staff, please know we just can no longer take it.

Hmm, makes you wonder the real source of April Fools day.  Go ahead, hit me with your best shot, fire away!