Blog

Gas Passing Goldens & Other Pet Absurdities

We have a very sweet and loving Golden Retriever named “Ruby” who we rescued. Above is her first day in her forever home. She is now 3 years old which makes her about 21 in dog years. Because of her allergies she has to have a special diet so we […]

The Chronicles

When I began my quest of writing a fantasy based on mythology, I had only a trilogy in mind. That changed as I neared the completion of the trilogy. Now my mythology is set to have 18 total stories. As my mind raced to make the trilogy as exciting as […]

Of Epic Love and Romance

When writing my epic trilogy “The Chosen One of Allivar”, I recall watching “The Fellowship of the Ring” while a mother and two teenage girls sat chatting in front of me. At the ending, they all three agreed it had been a waste of their time. With this in mind, […]

LMBO and other absurd acronyms / symbols

When someone types LMBO, what does it mean? Have you ever seen anyone laugh a butt off? If you find the secret, open a new gym called The Laugh Gym. Does anyone ever type SMBU (Shake My Booty Up) or LYBO (Laugh Your Butt Off)? It sounds all hip and […]

Of Monsters and Demons

Fear gives us a heightened state of awareness. When writing my trilogy “The Chosen One of Allivar” I kept this in my mind at all times. I recall telling ghost stories at a camp one summer and being frightened enough to not sleep. I recall watching the “Exorcist” alone, which […]

Of Battles, Weapons and Sieges

In my trilogy, “The Chosen One of Allivar”, I have tried to surpass the greatest battles ever written. I wanted this battle to involve primitive weapons when weapons were not technologically driven. I took the liberty of designing a few of my own weapons and put myself into the mind […]

Of the Human Spirit

In my trilogy, The Chosen One of Allivar, I delve into the most complex topic for humans – the origin of and the nature of the resilient human spirit. We live in a period of hyper-pessimism and hyper-partisanship. We tear down the human spirit by belittling others.  Our social media […]

Trailer Trash Tuesday

I just saw a Tweet that referred to Trailer Trash Tuesday. Well why not an “official” Trailer Trash Day? Somebody has to make this stuff up so why not me for today? We have the Talk like a Pirate Day, why not a Trailer Trash Day? You have to admit […]

3 Things to Never Say to a Husband of a Pregnant Woman

I read a blog http://goo.gl/aDlhX regarding three things never to say to a pregnant woman. This post was hilarious and thought provoking. However, it took me back 27 years to the birth of my son and the glorious experience of child birth. So, providing equality (and good fun) I thought […]

Ice Cream, Chopped Nuts and Chocolate Syrup

Many of my future stories are a result of some unusual dreams. Yet the dreams I have most seem to come when I indulge in a bowl of vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup and chopped nuts sprinkled on top.  I don’t know what electro-chemical reactions are taking place, but […]

Man Club – February 2012 Edition (Tight Ends Quiz)

Sex, sex, sex, sex. Okay that’s enough to get me 8,230,000,000 hits on Google today within ten seconds after publishing. That includes a few billion hits from men on Mars, but females on Venus are not amused. As I mentioned last month, we men are actually ultra complex. We are […]

The Female Code – February 2012 Edition

I like to banter and rile up my female friends and fans. Why? Because they supply me with a lot of good stuff for writing. Secondly, if the apocalypse ever arrives I’ll have an army of women by my side. “Hell hath no fury, like a woman without coffee and […]

Meet Author Hemmie Martin

Authors are a great group of people, we convert our imagination into stories to entertain, to touch souls and to give us thought. With this in mind, I feel obligated to assist my fellow authors, wherever and whenever I can. If you are considering writing, you may also learn some […]

Of Mythology

My trilogy “The Chosen One of Allivar” is difficult to describe in a 30 second elevator speech as many have suggested. So, after long and hard thought, the best way I can describe it is to use a quote from one of my research aids. “Mythology” the visual reference guide […]

Of Dragons

2012 is the year of the Dragon, literally! It is the Chinese New Year and in their culture it is the Year of the Dragon. In December, “The Hobbit” is to be released and Smaug to be introduced. It is also the year that you should consider reading my trilogy, […]

Of Watchers

In my trilogy, “The Chosen One of Allivar”, I wanted to create my own version of evil characters. From this quest I created the Gregoron, or Watchers of the Marog (Forbidden Lands). Those of you who are vampire lovers may find this character of interest. The Gregoron came to me […]

Of Giants

What mythological tale would be complete without the presence of giants? My mythology, “The Chosen One of Allivar” has two sets of evil giants – the Bermolong and the Bergons. The Bermolong are the offspring of experimentation breeding of the gentle and good giants, the Bermules. Bothar, the most lovable […]

Drive away, drive away! DADA Technology

I may have mentioned that Monty Python corrupted my soul. In the silly classic, The Holy Grail, the brave knights encounter many perils too perilous to cross. They yell “Run away, run away!” Well let me report to you what I’ve seen on the roads lately that makes me want […]

Dave Barry Virus OMG WTF

I have to admit it. In addition to becoming a successful author, I’d also like to be a syndicated columnist writing observational humor like Dave Barry has for quite a long time at the Miami Herald. He is the super hero with the big “H” on his cape. I laugh […]

OMG

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I thought the acronym OMG stood for “Oh My Groin” because I originated it, I swear. I promised to go into detail to give you a sense of my fellow men’s pain. My first OMG moment was when I was learning to ride […]

Connecting by Fear of Loss

When writing my trilogy, I wanted to surpass most of the battle scenes ever written or produced on screen. I wanted to leave a reader emotionally drained. Why? Because when we are drained of the interference of our emotions, then and only then can we see clearly. Why is it […]

The Cryometer

After people read my trilogy “The Chosen One of Allivar” I ask them a very simple question. How many times did you cry? I ask this for a very simple reason which is to determine if I connected with their two basic emotions – joy and sadness. To give you […]

Vegas Tales 2012

Even before I could get to Las Vegas for my CPA conference, I received a Tweet to visit one of Vegas’ finest “Gentlemen’s” clubs. I won’t say which one because I am sure they have an employee named “Guido.” Sorry, my days of being a “gentleman” ended with a tale […]

YAPpers, MAPpers & LAPpers

Why is it there are multiple aisles in Barnes & Noble for young adult paranormal stories? I call this group YAPper’s, not to be confused with annoying Pomeranians and Poodles. Don’t get me wrong, I applaud all YA authors and their followers, but I’m feeling a little discriminated. I’m in […]

Daily Thoughts – Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, Off to Write I Go!

As I have already written, I am a nerd and a writer. For the most part, my writing is of high values and exciting adventure. It is my escapism from the realities of life. So if a blog is supposed to give you an insight into the author’s mind, sorry, […]

A master or a slave? 16 Tons & what do you get?

Most of you are not old enough to know the song “16 Tons” by Tennessee Ernie Ford. “St. Peter don’t you call me because I can’t go, I owe my soul to the company store.” I am a CPA and PFS. Do you know what these designations are and mean? […]

The Imperfect Human Family

My trilogy has one overriding theme – family. Not the average family with 2.3 children but the human family. Some insist my story is a Christian story, which I vehemently argue against. Even a Christian friend stated the story is very “unchristian” like. I had one YouTube comment which stated […]

Author Groupies

Do authors have groupies? I’d like to know so I can hire my security team in advance. I was commenting on Facebook with a friend who is a musician. We discussed who in the band gets rushed first. Well, it’s always the lead singer with the torn pants. He always […]

The Coffee is Talking

I am a nerd. I freely admit it. I have forewarned you. I love goofiness and writing about it. The Lord of the Rings is my favorite story of all time, but I have a complete blast thinking of parodies. I owe this to Monty Python’s Flying Circus and the […]

The Man Club – January 2012 Edition

To be equal to my male friends, I have decided to write about the ultra complexity of the male mind. I do this to share with my female readers so that they can update their female code to UOS version 12764589.21 and sync with the man club code, which is […]

The Female Code – January 2012 Edition

I joke all the time with my Facebook female friends about the man club and its code. Amazingly, they are very witty and banter back with me very successfully. So successful are they, that their husbands do not come to my defense. Is this cowardice or just wisdom on their […]

In my own world

If you are a parent, you undoubtedly recall talking to one of your children and he or she wasn’t responding as you wished so you asked “Did you hear me? Are you in another world?” The answer for me when I was a child, in a Robert DeNiro tone, was […]

Being a CPA / author and the JWM2012 virus

One thing for certain, being a fiction author is a much different world than being a CPA and investment advisor. The professional world has overlord oversight, suffocating compliance dungeons, and little creativity (well unless prison is your thing). Writing provides me the necessary escapism from this drudgery. Don’t get me […]