Why is it there are multiple aisles in Barnes & Noble for young adult paranormal stories? I call this group YAPper’s, not to be confused with annoying Pomeranians and Poodles. Don’t get me wrong, I applaud all YA authors and their followers, but I’m feeling a little discriminated. I’m in the MAPper, or the mature adult paranormal, target market. Then there are the LAPpers, the late adult paranormal, target market. We don’t have our own aisles! And, you know, I can think of some really great MAPper titles:
Viagra Vampire
Cialis Succubus
Zoloft Zombie
Return of the Ghastly Reflux
Wouldn’t it be nice to see Bella, not as a hormonal assaulted teen, but as a hormonal injected middle-aged adult woman with hot flashes that counteracts the effects of being a cold vampire? Oh, and she has a mustache too. She’s on the hunt for the Viagra vampire (Edward) for a little adult action. Now that’s a story I could sink my teeth into! That would surely satisfy the cravings of us MAPpers.
Then there is the late adult market, the LAPpers. Make the aisle wide and have paramedics at each end. I am sure they too have their cravings for exciting paranormal stories:
Nursing Home Necromancer
The Life Alert Time Machine
Fixodent Fright Night
Clap On Clap Off Corpse
The Naked Horror (a nonfiction title)
Here Bella would be cruising the nursing home in her hover-round and runs into a sparkling Edward in his shiny new wheelchair. Let the love sparks fly! He just can’t help but not notice her scent of over applied perfume and gorgeous blue hair. You can feel the tension as Bella yells out “BINGO! BINGO! BINGO!” Edward decides to make her immortal if his Fixodent can last the night. Build that suspense.
As you can see, we have barely touched the surface of all the stories that can be told. Get busy writing, this is going to be so much fun, it won’t feel like work. I haven’t even addressed the NAPper or the Abnormal Paranormal markets. But let’s not go there quite yet, for it is such a silly place.
Just call me the acronymancer. If you take me seriously, then you are seriously too serious. Learn to laugh and smile. It will make you feel like a #YA all over again, without any pharmaceutical intervention.
What do you think?
