The Female Code – May 2013 Edition (The Girls)

I follow many people’s blogs.  They provide insight to people’s thinking or sense of humor. They provide me with inspiration.  I especially love reading those written by women, because even after 53 years of life I still haven’t a clue what makes them tick and then explode.  Well, one blogger I follow lets out more code detail than most.    This blog is titled:

Lady or Not

Now I must forewarn many of my readers who might be offended by sometimes raunchy humor. I learn about a different aspect of female humor (if such a thing truly exists) from Becca.  I learned that she has a variety of methods of referring to her breasts.  Using Monty Python humor, she refers to them as huge tracts of land. She calls them legends. Recently she referred to them as “The Girls.”  This latter anatomical reference intrigued me the most.

We men are often teased mercilessly as having an overriding brain.  Then it hit me.  Women are impossible to understand because they have three brains to contend with.  Becca provided me proof.  She unleashed a secret of the female code that I am now sharing with the male universe.  The girls are not getting enough respect.  This is why we should name them.  Yes, name them.  This way we can sing happy birthday to them, or say hello to them in the morning.  They are screaming to be showered with dressy fashions and most of all support, literally. This why Victoria’s Secret has a diamond studded bra, because diamonds are boobs best friend. Becca proved that nothing is more important to women than having firm girls.  But what names would be most appropriate?

1. Betty and Boop
2. Bobbie and Bobble
3. Flauntsome and Flopsome
4. Bella and Edward (At least one of the girls will sparkle in the sunlight)
5. Blackout and Blackeye
6. Silicone and Saline

What? You don’t like #4 above.  Well go mope with your girls through June, July, August, September, October, November…… Clever writing, eh?

Well now that the secret is out, I expect other clever writers and readers to join in the Naming Games – a soon to be major motion adventure film, based on this blog premise.  Watch as Madam Monica Mayhem, uses her secret girl weapons, Bombo and Jumbo, to combat evil.  However, during casting it was discovered some actresses while running at full speed can only be a danger to themselves, this is where #5 comes from.  There is nothing worse than talking to a woman with a booby black eye, or providing resuscitation from a booby blackout.  This is why support is extremely important.

Absurd you say?  Of course it is.  That’s the point.  We tend to spend more time worrying about external appearances than inner beauty. Many well endowed women I have known have said their  girls have been a burden and a pain. Some have had them decreased or said adios to entirely. But that doesn’t mean we can’t laugh about our experiences and ourselves.  I start each day by laughing at myself in the mirror as I say good morning to my man breasts, Tom and Jerry.

Besides, one day when the girls are older, much older, they will have to be renamed – Right Knee and Left Knee.

Now for a sing along:

Happy Birthday to Becca!

Happy Birthday to Betty!

Happy Birthday to Boop!

Happy Birthday,

Happy Birthday,

Happy Birthday to the Girls

Now please go smile today and allow yourself to commit one simple act of kindness. Please support your fellow boobs (people) as we all need support.