My Phone Misdial Mistress

Sorry folks, I’ve been busy and my brain has been fried.  I read a humor blog today regarding phone actresses and it reminded me of the time I made a simple dialing error.  I am a CPA.  I use tax software.  At one time I used CCH’s ProSystemFX.  Stay with me, I promise its going to be good.  If I needed support I would dial 800-739-9998.  One day I needed support, but I had no idea how much support I was about to get when I misdialed 800-739-9999.  Normally there is a delay and you have to press a bunch of buttons to get to your right party.  Not that day!  I was delivered to excellent service almost immediately.  I was half asleep, as all accountants are during tax season, but boy did I wake up fast when I heard,

“Ooh baby, you’ve called 800 (I won’t repeat what was said), what’s your desire.”

My first thought was, what the hell did I just dial? Then I saw how one little extra 9 made the difference.  But hey, this was my first interaction with a phone actress, so I decided to play along.

“I’m an accountant and I need some dirty code talk.”

“What!”  She seemed rather surprised.

“This is 800-739-9998, extension 9, dirty code talk, isn’t it?”

“Listen buddy this 800-739-9999. I only do (expletives, expletives, expletives)”

“You mean this isn’t Mabel at extension 9? I need dirty code talk and I need it baaaaaaad!” I said desperately and then pulled the phone away a I roared with laughter and almost lost control of my bladder.

“I’ll be Mabel or whoever you wish if you just give me your credit card information,” she said in a sensual and alluring tone.

“Well maybe, but I want a sample.  Pretend you are Mabel and you want some down and dirty depreciation,” I said with a tone of impatience.

“You are one sick @#%$%*^ puppy mister,” she said shocked.

I am sure she has no idea what depreciation is and had no appreciation for my depreciation humor.

“Okay maybe that was a little too forward.  It’s hard for most to take the full section 179 all at once. So Mabel, tell me how I can increase the size of my miscellaneous itemized deductions?” 

“I don’t do this SICK STUFF you perverted $@##@&*!”

CLICK

Well dang!  That was the most fun I have ever had during ANY tax season.  Now I never really knew the phone actresses real name, so Mabel had to do.  I will recall her fondly for the rest of my life because she taught me something that day.

THE TAX CODE IS PERVERTED – Don’t you agree?

I think I’m ready for a new career as a phone actor.