Just when you thought you had seen it all – North West

“I love the name ‘North.’ I’m pro-North, absolutely,” she said. “The way Kimwimmy explained it to me, north means highest power, and North is their highest point together. I thought that was really, really, really northernly sweet.”

When we stepped into the new millennium did  people’s brains just suddenly collapse?  Everyday I read of something even more bizarre than the bizarre day before it.  Naming babies has become a daily social media event.  Khalessi [Game of Thrones] is being snatched up like hotcakes [ooh… good name].

May I introduce our new daughter, Hotcakes Hollybush Horton. It’s a long sorted story, will you buy it for $1 million?

It appears anything and I mean anything goes these days.  Even more amazing is the justification for the action, such as

North means highest power.

I had to look this up in the dictionary, just in case I had lost my mind on its meaning.  I couldn’t find such a meaning anywhere.  Then,

North is their highest point together.

Again, I am not really sure what point she was trying to make.  Maybe you need a Kardcashinonit Kode Book (A $1,999 Value, including Kimwimmy’s photos and sex tape) to truly understand this Northern West Southeast Krew. Whew….. Why not name the baby NorthByNorth West?  That would sound so nostalgic and classy Cary Grant like?  Class – a word no longer found in the dictionary.

Today I was at the bank when a teller greeted a customer she thought was pronounced as Karen, when the customer said her name was Kareen. When the teller repeated Karen, the customer got irate.   I am beginning to think that people are naming their kids so that name calling can take place and a lawsuit filed for a hate crime against names.  Kareen just might win a big settlement for emotional distress.

This is why you need Big Bollocks Bobby’s Bountiful Bouncing Baby Naming and Emotional Distress Lawsuit For Dummies  Book (A $19.99 value – just for $19.98. Bobby will throw in a few nude photos of himself too!)

Here you will find the proper names to Kash in on, just like the Kardcashinonits!  Bobby’s parents did! Here’s just a sample with names like,

See what I mean?  None of it makes a damn bit of sense, but you are sure to be the talk of the town [15 minute guarantee.]  We also guarantee your child’s name will be so picked on by fellow students that you can settle emotional distress lawsuits from preschool all the way to their PhD’s.  Why work, let your kid’s name do it all for you?  Learn everything the Kardcashinonit way!! Just order Bobby’s bestselling DIY handbook – How to pay for your child’s education and do nothing for it!

Absurd?  You bet, every single day of the new millennium. Uh oh, I’ve just been summoned. What name have you read or heard lately that should make for an easy emotional distress lawsuit?