Female Code – August 2013 Edition (Widow Maker)

Okay men, sing with me now:

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
Where a quarterback slaps the center on the rear.
And everyone telling you, Be of good cheer!
of course, our bellies full of nachos and beer!
When friends come to call,
and your wife leaves for the mall…

It’s the most wonderful time, it’s the most wonderful time of the… year!!!!!”

It is time ladies for your genes to recognize the moment of truth is here, all your primping and pruning to fit into those bikinis is at an end. The heat of summer gives way to the manly endeavor of football. Football will now occupy a man’s actual brain.  Our genetics dictate we watch football so that we never lose what it means to be a warrior.  You know, that strong guy you married to protect you against mice and spiders.  Yes, that’s us – men!

Sadly, this will confuse your genetics and you will resort to the most bizarre attempts to gain our attention.  Here is one example:

[youtube=http://youtu.be/sljqQ5QZXP0]

You see what I mean?  Lingerie, Pads, Helmets, Vicious Cat Fighting, Tight Ends, and Football.  How desperate can you get?

Don’t fall for it men. There are times when you have to get your Rhett Butler game on and resist everything a woman throws at you.

“Frankly my dear I don’t give a Hooter’s hot wings sample platter, I’m still watching football all weekend.”

I understand ladies that the season can make you feel like a widow.  You head off to the mall in a rage of revenge, racking up the credit card just to get a little attention.  When you explain what you have done, our only reply is,

“That’s nice honey!  Oh, go man, go, go, go – touchdown! Woo hoo!  Did you see that babe?”

Some men, even fantasize about football.  The first fantasy league was called the GOPPPL (Greater Oakland Professional Pigskin Prognosticators League).  I kid you not!  Google, Bing or Yahoodle it!  We are GOPPLing and GOBBLing during the nex four months. We can’t get enough of it.  Football is an obsession and addiction, only curable by genetic interference. No matter how you try to control us, it would take a genetics engineering Phd to change us and a Prometheus alien to hold us down.

So you think we men are crazy don’t you? Well here’s another example for women to try to understand the emotions we men have during football season:

[youtube=http://youtu.be/9UpURv_cLiA]

“Justin’s to the twenty, the fifteen, the ten, the five – touchdown! OMG, OMG, OMG what a game!

Now do you understand us?

We real men rely on women’s obsession and addiction to man candy mutants, and books on oversexed vampires and zombies  to cover our backs for the next four months of your widowship (sic). We will be resurrected and arrive from our hibernation in the new year of 2014, just in time for basketball.

You love us, you want to kill us, it’s a conundrum.  But, you can’t help it – it’s in your genes.