Dependent Squirrels

Why did God have to make squirrels so cute? That and I feel really guilty for killing a squirrel with one of my golf shots.  But I also love birds.  We have bird feeders in our backyard and special accommodations for our squirrels.  Lately our squirrels have become greedy and, well, down right dependent upon my generosity.  I’ve worked hard to convert my backyard to a piece of paradise.  Yeah, yeah, I know you can’t recreate Maui in Norman, OK but my wife and I dare to be intrepid dreamers.

Now its gone to the squirrels.

My squirrels literally beg.  Right next to our patio table is a brick planter.  The squirrels actually crawl down and yell at us for food.  I have a mix stashed away in a stainless steel bucket stored in a closet.  When they hear it open they come running.

We even give them their own personal chair to dine in!

And a nut reserve.  All they have to do is lift the lid and crawl in to get their meals.  I have a strict squirrel welfare program – you must work or entertain me for your food.  Oh… but that’s not enough!

They have to orchestrate a home invasion of the bird’s feeder and steal all their food!  Notice where they carved out some of the wood to fit their fat heads!

So, we stopped stocking all of the feeders as a lesson in dependency.  For awhile the squirrels barked at us and even came to our patio table begging, just as the one in the meme above.  After a month off the welfare dole they are now robbing a neighbors Peach tree.  We can hear them curse, not the Peach tree owners, the squirrels!  They prefer the mix I was supplying them, but I had to end their addiction.  I had become a nut and fruit mix squirrel pusher!

Little did I realize that my attempt to be humane to the squirrels backfired with the birds.  They now drop bombs from 30,000 feet in protest.  Geez, it’s hard to be charitable these days.

Let this be a lesson in humanity.  If you get addicted to free nuts, someone will eventually cut off the nuts.  Lame and absurd?  You betcha!