How to Gain Unwanted Attention – Just Drive Normal

You are driving along when you have to slow down for the person in front of you, who is going 10 miles under the speed limit, for no reason whatsoever.  Then they turn off the busy city street into a neighborhood and there they gun it to 20 miles over the speed limit in a school zone. For these folks they should have a child warning system, like our tornado sirens, that tell poor kids you are coming.  Then they need a bumper sticker so you can spot them and text ahead to your kids to run for cover.

This is how it is in Norman, OK.  I have lived and driven many places, but I think this place takes 1st place for the strangest and most absurd drivers – EVER. In this town the presence of a police car will grind traffic to a halt.  Heaven forbid you drive the SPEED LIMIT!  Oh no, they have to drive like it was a school zone. Do you understand my source of frustration?

One day, and I kid you not, my wife was flipped off by a guy as she made a left turn at the green arrow, when this moron across the street in the opposing lane wanted to take a right, even though he didn’t have right-of-way.  You see we were inconveniencing him.  I guess they must have had a 50% off sale at the local Fat Burgers with a free 64 ounce Bubba Drought Buster soda.

I am also convinced it is the nation’s leading town for DumbPhoners.  You know what I am referring to, those people who just cannot place their smartphones down long enough to drive safely.   These are the people who are so self absorbed that they fly through school zones and red lights while texting.  Heaven forbid you call the person to talk with them. Oh no, you have to text something as important as this, “OMG Sally dated Bob, then Bob dated Amy, OMG, OMG, OMG!”  Then they hit the curb and like a city designed for bumper cars, other cars are dodging each other. Then there are those that pull right out in front of you and expect you to stop for them.

We also have left turn lanes, designed to keep traffic moving.  Oh no, not in Norman, OK.  These lanes have become merging lanes of death.  You know, the lane a person uses when they are tired of trying to make a left turn, so they pull out and park until someone allows them in, it clears, or they just come in fully expecting you to stop because they drive some massive bubbamobile, all the while texting, “OMG this #$*^#@ won’t let me in – oh the nerve!” These lanes are also used to pass people and buses unloading passengers.

My final pet peeve are the people who never, ever, come to a complete stop.  You know what I am talking about.  Those people who start turning left trying ever so skillfully to miss your rear bumper, while their texting and drinking a 64 ounce Bubba Drought Buster soda from Fat Burgers.

Everyday in Norman is an adventure in driving.  I’m old school. I use my lane change arrows, look both ways before entering an intersection, and always yield for pedestrians, children and bicyclists. I drive the speed limit even as the cop is giving me the evil eye. My SmartPhone is off.  I think I can safely wait until my feet are on the ground before playing my next selection on Word With Friends.

So if you want to gain unwanted attention, try driving normal in abnormal Norman, OK.  Chances are you will get flipped off for doing so. OMG, OMG, OMG!