It’s March and our presidential options have been selected between $7 trillion dollar debt man Joe Biden VS $7 trillion debt man Donald Trump. In this respect they are equally on the wrong path. For years the audited financial statements have used the word “unsustainable.” Last month the most over-used word was “existential.” So what words actually work to get people’s attention to the upcoming Apocalypse? Maybe we need some words. Here’s my top list for new words this coming apocalyptic general election cycle.
Sexexentialism – defined as, never having the ability to engage in sex. You put that into the headlines and you’d wake up, right? Besides it’s got a double XX rating. This way at the debates when the moderator ask the candidates what they will do do halt sexextentialism, they mumble because they are going deaf and dysfunctional, and will say “Eh, sex, do you say sex, preciousss?” (Forgive my Gollum moment)
Sexstainable – defined as, even if the candidate could have sex how sustainable would they be? I’d place a short option on the market and retire a Trillionaire. But mentioning anything that starts with “SEX”, get followers and influencers all excited, plus me obtaining, for free, another 100,000 followers.
Egolopsidicle – defined as, each having an lopsided ego that they can’t stop taking, well unless it’s about litigation or chocolate ice creamy cones.
Budgetdeficiticidous – defined as, not knowing what the hell a budget is, because taxpayers have no clue what the difference is between accumulated deficits and deficits. No one wants to talk about it, so make it sound like a disease created from gain of dysfunction research. The goal of the research is to make stupidity more viral and deadly. Oh wait, never mind, that has already happened. So the easiest way is just to submit another $7 trillion dollar budget and say it’s loaded with goodies for you my children. Spooky eh?
Chartofartacus – defined as, statistics pulled from the anus for people who love bright graphs. Everyday I see new charts that make any candidate look like a genius. “Oh look honey, the CBO shows debt rising to $50 trillion by 2020, isn’t it a lovely bright red?”
BorderDisodorius – defined as, we will help other countries secure their borders, while keeping ours free with newcomer presents and freebies. I expect the population of the USA to be 1.4 billion by 2028, because no agreement can be made how the chartofartacus will look. And finally,
KissAssacusGoodBiacus defined as, the apocalypse has arrived.
Now we probably will not have debates to see how silly the candidates will behave. Just trust their prepared speeches the following new words above. If I were a candidate, I’d use every one. So here it goes,
My fellow Americans, as you can see by my chartofartacuses, the economy and my bank account are doing fine. I know that many of you are hurting, but I will address Sexextentsialism and Sexstainability. I assure the blue pill will not only be free, but you get a bonus with come chocoMrna (new word I just thought of) thrown in, it’s your inalienabilitable right (another word thrown in). I will not let the egolopsidian of the other party deflect you on the issues of borderdisodorus without the appropriate chartofartacus that shows my numbers that you should LookOveriouslyOverthereus (my last new word). Besides, if you vote for the other guy you can KissAssacusGoodBiacus.
Have a lovely apocalyptic evening everyone.
Insert name of candidate, as he smiles with a grin clearly indicating the adult diaper has greatly exceeded its three hour life cycle.
Disclaimer: This is political and social satire. I do not care who you vote for, or the rallying points why you support them. I am using you as guinea pigs to further my social media algorithms. Whether you love me or hate me, I still get the score points. Wait, that sounds a lot like poli-ticks.
