Poli-Ticks: A word of Greek, Latin, and Hindu origins meaning a large body of men and women who decide the fate of all, are paid well, have special interest group perks, who do nothing at all but are incredibly efficient of draining the life blood of their constituents. (Satirical Definition) Let’s see what this month top-ten issues holds in store for us.
February 2024 has been a month for a Super Bowl, Valentines, and insanity in Washington DC. Shall we see what happens so far kiddos?
First, our National Debt has soared over the $34 trillion but hey, make sure the Nachos and Booze are ready for the Super Dating Bowl. Is it me or do the cameras spend more time on the players wives, girlfriends, and mistresses than the game itself? I believe this is truly a conspiracy to keep your mind off what happens in DC. Actually, who won? I have no clue. I was swift away by not caring at all.
Second, our Ticks paved the way for $95 billion of more borrowed money to give to multiple nations, except our own. There’s a lot of talk of Senile Narcissist Godlike Ticks running for office and we must concentrate on world saving as the top priority. The Buck never stops anywhere, it’s transitory to other countries.
Third, the two candidates are pointing to the other side as to who is the most cognitively impaired and who has the largest adult diaper budget.
Fourth, the stock market fell quickly today, but only after a few weeks of touting how the market had risen, even though they had no clue why it rose to begin with. The voters don’t care, they battle like a wounded parrot regurgitating what their masters say, simply to get a few more likes, and retweets, and followers. I think I got….ZERO for being too technical about our fiscal future.
Fifth, our President is fighting really, really, hard for us, because our bag of Nachos Dorados is about 25% less full for the same price, while the migrant surge is about 25% greater. What a guy! Shrinkflation is the process of giving you less and charging the same, but since the price is the same, therefore it is not true inflation. Migrationflation works the same way, if you don’t see any migration it therefore does not exist.
Sixth, 60 Minutes did a great job of pointing out the Chinese migrant surge through a tiny opening in a fence east of San Diego, guided by a TICK TOCK video, the new app that helps Chinese immigrants enter unimpeded while Americans learn the new dance number, “Do you know the way to San Jose comrade?”
This is fun, isn’t it? But there’s more at no extra charge!
Seventh, there’s an impeachment process of the man whose job it is to control the border. It failed round one, because he supplied 4 rounds of Tequila shots for the representatives. We all now what happens when they’ve downed the fourth shot. They take the floor, literally.
Eight, our President loves the word “Investment” when spending borrowed money from the Treasury, which has to find someone to buy new debt at high yields, while the FED readies for the inflation rate to increase, and has to buy Treasury debts, and Social Security buys some debts because it pays good interest. The debt clock rises so fast that it screeches for lack of Saudi oil. Okay, you got all that? If not, blame the poli-ticks who are masters at the art of diversion – don’t look up!
You find this riveting don’t you?
Ninth, we just love the patriotism of saving “Democracy” by funding wars with borrowed money we cannot repay over the next 100 years, and without sending a single son or daughter to win said war. I almost expect a candidate one day to be really honest and admit this is all in the strategic interest of NIMBY. Oh hell, who am I kidding.
The conclusion is killing you isn’t it?
Tenth, our President has stated he is okay and damn ready for the job ahead in 2042. He spoke of his conversations with former world leaders, deceased ages ago, while incurring a brain freeze eating a rocky road cone in Alaska where he was once governor, and won the IdaIran on foot, without sled dogs.
And there you have it, the first post on Poli-Ticks. Hopefully I didn’t suck the Lifeforce out of you.
(Disclaimer: this is political satire, is it completely made up, using some real events. If you have hostile objections, send an SASE with $5 for a non-conciliatory reply to: Big Bollocks Bobby LLC, 2024 Sunset Place, Cayman Islands. We will respond as soon as the national debt is paid off.)
