Here we go again. In the course of human history we always look for a way to make something appear new, appealing, or interesting by simply giving it a new name. Case in point, we now have a winter bomb cyclone. A what? I’ve been on this planet for 58 years and never heard of such a thing, why now? Because weather is a boring as accounting, so they have to spice it up. Now if we referred to weather phenomenon with flatulence related terms you’d have viewers every day, high advertising revenues and richer corporations. Let me give you a few examples:
“Hi folks, it’s Skip Winksmelter with your weekly forecast. We are expecting a Canadian triple flutter blast this week. The first flutter will be on Wednesday, followed by the second flutter on Thursday. Friday is expected to be the worst of the triple blast leading to a weekend for cleaning up the mess.” Now Skip’s real name is Harvey Williams… boring.
“Hello folks, it’s Izza Beanmasher and we are expected a surge from a Mexican back end back draft on Friday.” Now surely you’d want to know what that is going to be about and plan your weekend accordingly.
“Hey guys, it’s Frankie Furkfurter just telling you to watch out for the arctic booty bomb cyclone coming your way. It could be dangerous!”
“Folks, it’s Jack Reeker letting you know a lake effect two cheek sneaker is on its way. Accumulations are expected to be deep.”
“Viewers, this is Flapp Finkelflower advising you that a Florida two lap thunder thumper flapper has about an 80% chance of building up under a very high pressure dome this coming Monday.”
“Clyde Curdlemeister here with a quick update on the atmospheric three layer cheese cloud maker. Just look at the bands on the radar there it is clearly, the hook broccoli formation. Please stay indoors to avoid injuries to your eyes and lungs.”
Well I could go on and on with this, but I’ve given everyone involved with enough information to boost revenues and ratings. And I never get paid for all this genius humor writing.
Childish and sophomoric? You betcha… hey, pull my finger and see what weather develops.
