CAT 4 – No More, Sweet Mother of Haggis, No More

Well, we moved to paradise (Kauai Hawaii) to get away from F5 tornadoes in Oklahoma and Arkansas banjo players. What did we run to? Three Category 4 hurricanes with silly names like:

• Kilo
• Ignacio
• Jimena

Today is August 31st, which means we have all of September, October, and November for more gut-wrenching weather forecasts.  We’ve also had brutally hot weather, high humidity, and no visible trade winds.  My glass of Mai Tai sweats as hard as I do. So what will the names of the next storms be?  I’m sure they will be meaningless and easy to say, so let’s just heat up the evening forecast a little. Here’s a glimpse:

• Lolly Broch Alba gu bràth
• Mudder
• Nastio (twin of Ignacio)
• Orcalina
• Pilikilihumunumunawahiliwaikikipupututunomonomo (Hawaiian for goldfish)
• Qi (a silly useless word that wrecks havoc in Word with Friends)
• Reynaldo De La Quith (Rey for short)
• Sayonara Senorita

That’s eight more storms before we have to consider any more names. But thanks to the generous sponsorship of Famous Hamish Hawaiian Haggis tours we will keep you up to date. You can hear the broadcast now, but only after the Hamish commercial jingle:

“When your feeling hot and humid what do you do?
You reach for hot haggis, neeps, and tatties stew!
Famous Hamish has it steaming and ready to go,
just in time for the hurricane naming show!

And now for the weather,

“We hate to interrupt the Jamie and Claire coupling scene tonight on Outlander, to inform you that Category 5 hurricane Lolly Broch Alba gu bràth has made its way into the central Pacific basin“, or

“Here’s the satellite image of Mudder in the Pacific and what a Mudder she is“, or

“Hurricane Pilikilihumunumunawahiliwaikikipupututunomonomo is expected to intensify to a category 13 storm.  Please stay tuned for further development of Pilikilihumunumunawahiliwaikikipupututunomonomo!”  (As the anchor passes out), or

“Hurricane Sayonara Senorita will make landfall a category 52 storm.  Please place your face between your legs and kiss your sweet haggis goodbye.”

And that’s not all, once these storms cross the international dateline they become typhoons with Asian names like:

• Lilipoo
• Moogoogainpain
• Nocomebackherebuffettmeannofulldayeatyougohome
• Tofu

Hurricanes are a new experience to me.  I can kid about it here, but reading about hurricane Iniki which made landfall in September 1992 as a CAT 4 hurricane is no cause for humor, in fact, it is outright frightening.  What I learned from reading and talking with those that live here is that the people of the island worked and put their lives back together, truly demonstrating the meanings of Aloha and Ohana, and that gives me great comfort.  I have the highest respect for Hawaiians that have shared their land with my wife and I.

So as I wait for the 2015 storm season to end, Hamish will be hanging low through all this heat.  Learn to smile, learn to laugh, learn to love, and learn to live. We are not guaranteed another day.