This month I explored the insanity of a June wedding and why it means anything at all to women. Women are insane, but clever. Let’s revisit the movie the Wedding Crashers. Here two heroes have conquered the world of women, only to succumb to their succubus clever ways. By the end of the movie the men are slobbering wusses. That’s right, you read this writing right. You are wusses and cannot even apply to this club. One must stand before the membership counsel (me, myself and I) unsullied by the ways of women. If you come to my club in tears after a night out selecting of china, silverware and stemware, it’s too late for you. You are fallen, you are now a member of the women’s inferno club, lost forever, constantly digging your way through the muck of the eight level of marriage hell. Bliss? HA, there is no such thing.
The Man Club is here to provide you with superior wisdom and counsel, all for the low monthly membership fee of $199.99. Hey! Wisdom isn’t cheap.
So if you are thinking of crashing a wedding to pick up on ladies, you’ll need a good stiff drink to live through it. And the Man Club has the answer – the Wedding Crasher, on the rocks, shaken, not stirred. You will find this and other life and wife survival concoctions in section 007.
Section 007, Paragraph 1(a) – The Wedding Crasher
- Vodka, 1 jigger
- 151 Rum, 1 jigger
- Jack Daniels, 1 jigger
- Cabo Wabo Tequila, 1 jigger
- A splash of lemon peel
Shake, then slam it down in one gulp. Yes, it is bitter and potent, just like a marriage, that’s the point! This way you will be so buzzed that when the bride ask how you liked her little vase she made from a Martha Stewart show from all the fake fingernails she saved, you can just smile and nod. She’ll never know the difference. Then you and the groom can remain friends. Say anything at all and you risk a life-long banishment from her domain.
The bride wants to talk about her $25,000 Anne Barge dress – aaaaggghhh!
Should one of our members, or prospective members run into a bridesmaid who finds you attractive, witty, loves video games and Alien vs Predator, and all your stories incredibly fascinating; do not fall for it – IT’S ALL A LIE – it is the oldest trick in the book. You are a TWIT, and you are about to be caught in the succubus web with the life sucked out of you. This is when you need a second round of the Wedding Crasher line of bar drinks (a $9.99 value FREE), with a chaser, I like to call the Bridesmaid’s Bane:
Section 007, Paragraph 1(b) – The Bridesmaid’s Bane
- Vodka, 1 jigger
- 151 Rum, 1 jigger
- Jack Daniels, 1 jigger
- Cabo Wabo Tequila, 1 jigger
- A splash of lemon peel, chased with
- Everclear – 1 jigger
- Hillybilly Napalm (Mountain Moonshine) – 2 jiggers
Man Club Disclosure – you should not have a Bridesmaid Bane if you are smoking, near a smoker, fireplace, fireworks display, or a toaster oven. Failure to heed this warning may result in spontaneous combustion, for which the Man Club is not responsible and you hereby waive any claim and ability to litigate.
After the chaser you will not be able to stand, and thus not lied to about being witty and clever. You’ll thank me in the morning. But for all you non-members who think you can handle it all on your own, just know the enemy has their own drink.
Trust me, you are doomed. Join the club now for more male wisdom. I gotta million of em!
