The Legend of Braveliver

Let me tell you of the story of William McWalrus.  Some will say that I am a silly writer, but I shall not care, for someone has to rewrite history of things of great importance.  William was born a commoner and owned not a thing, only his trusty sword and his skirt, and beautiful thick hair for which lass’s went crazy for, and a comfortable but not expensive chair, and a pair of wooly socks.  When he became a young lad he met a fair lass, Frau Fenella, 1/32 German and 1/32 Scottish, the rest mutated females genes.  She became his mutant queen and they danced and partied until the credit card could bear no more. They then became less than a common commoner, they were uncommonly common commoners – oh you get the point!

Several years passed and middle age came quickly.  William took to pen and began writing a story where he created and destroyed worlds, and he called his epic tale the CHOSEN ONE OF ALLIVAR (Sorry, a shameless plug for the books had to be written in somewhere.)

Soon there came the Battle of Waffleburn and he waged war on the editor and grammarian foes of the land. William was crowned king, without a crown, and he sat upon his comfortable chair and dreamed of game of thrones and contemplated more wars upon his editing foes.

William amassed forces and led brave men to the fields of Fullcork. Victory was upon him when he experienced a sword and skirt malfunction giving battle direction. William became thereafter known as Braveliver to his foes and Wee Willy McWalrus by his queen, friends and countrymen.

Yet the story does not end there, for he and his best friend, Hamish Hamlet, who was turned down the lead role as Princess Fiona in Shrek VIII joined forces and went on a 80’s reunion glamor hair rock band tour at local pubs and casinos, under the group name “TWISTED HAMS”  Due to the sword skirt malfunction, Wee Willy sings falsetto and Hamish carries the baritone.  Tickets are $9.99 each for Tuesday’s night presentation of  Scotthemian Rhapsody

Well somebody has to write this silly stuff and it might as well be me, now sing along with me:

We’re just going to drink it,

You know – we’re just going to drink it,

We’re just going to drink it,

Till we can stand no more!

Our thick and beautiful hair makes you quiver,

and my skirt just makes you shiver,

now you know the legend of Braveliver!

(chorus)

We’re just going to drink it,

You know – we’re just going to drink it,

We’re just going to drink it,

Till we can stand no more!