I’ve never had good teeth and I’ve even had dreams of having my teeth crumble all at once. This last Thanksgiving I had two lower molars just crumble, one week between each. I kid you not, all I was eating when the first one crumbled was Oatmeal. Yes, Oatmeal. The second one was when I was chewing on a power protein bar. I already had an upper left crown that needed replacing. So when I made an appointment to see where I stood with regards to dental health, I was advised I needed four crowns. Well it was either wait for the other two to crumble and search for a job in Arkansas, do impersonations of a spitting Sylvester the cat, “Sufferin Succotash”, or have myself a merry little Christmas with new crowns to chew. I feel like I’ve been ordained four times now and Edward is very kingly name.
But the diagnosis isn’t all that great, I have so many worn off teeth that my dental plan now stretches until death, plus two years. But my dentist is very happy, he may even be able to meet his alimony payment this month. With all this said, you can either laugh or cry, and I’m too macho to cry, even when they hit a nerve after the Novocain has worn off. To laugh at this I’ve decided to share one of my famous sing along parodies, this one of the Twelve Days of Christmas – the Dental version. Merry Christmas to my massive followers, your family, and teeth.
On the first day of Christmas my dentist gave to me, a box of floss for free.
On the second day of Christmas my dentist gave to me, two bite X-rays, and box of floss for free.
On the third day of Christmas my dentist gave to me, three filled cavities, two bite X-rays, and box of floss for free.
On the fourth day of Christmas my dentist gave to me, four wisdom removals, three filled cavities, two bite X-rays, and box of floss for free.
On the fifth day of Christmas my dentist gave to me, FIVE PORCELAIN CROWNS, four wisdom removals, three filled cavities, two bite X-rays, and box of floss for free.
On the sixth day of Christmas my dentist gave to me, six shots of Novocain while I’m laying, FIVE PORCELAIN CROWNS, four wisdom removals, three filled cavities, two bite X-rays, and box of floss for free.
On the seventh day of Christmas my dentist gave to me, seven teeth a whitening, six shots of Novocain while I’m laying, FIVE PORCELAIN CROWNS, four wisdom removals, three filled cavities, two bite X-rays, and box of floss for free.
On the eighth day of Christmas my dentist gave to me, eight extractions flinching, seven teeth a whitening, six shots of Novocain while I’m laying, FIVE PORCELAIN CROWNS, four wisdom removals, three filled cavities, two bite X-rays, and box of floss for free.
On the ninth day of Christmas my dentist gave to me, nine drills a drilling, eight extractions flinching, seven teeth a whitening, six shots of Novocain while I’m laying, FIVE PORCELAIN CROWNS, four wisdom removals, three filled cavities, two bite X-rays, and box of floss for free.
On the tenth day of Christmas my dentist gave to me, ten implants planting, nine drills a drilling, eight extractions flinching, seven teeth a whitening, six shots of Novocain while I’m laying, FIVE PORCELAIN CROWNS, four wisdom removals, three filled cavities, two bite X-rays, and box of floss for free.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my dentist gave to me, eleven pictures of his yacht while a dancing, ten implants planting, nine drills a drilling, eight extractions flinching, seven teeth a whitening, six shots of Novocain while I’m laying, FIVE PORCELAIN CROWNS, four wisdom removals, three filled cavities, two bite X-rays, and box of floss for free.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my dentist gave to me, twelve moments of leaping, eleven pictures of his yacht while a dancing, ten implants planting, nine drills a drilling, eight extractions flinching, seven teeth a whitening, six shots of Novocain while I’m laying, FIVE PORCELAIN CROWNS, four wisdom removals, three filled cavities, two bite X-rays, and box of floss for free.
If you’ve followed me to the end of this very silly song, just floss and brush. Getting old is a bitch, but gumming your food is not an option.
