I’ll Text to That!

I’ve finally given in.  I now text.  I hate it.  I do. SMH LOL I text. RU OK? I M OK. Sup? Dunno.

Doesn’t anyone want to talk anymore?  Appears not.  I recall the miracle of Email as a reminder to clients to get me tax data.  Then they pretended not to receive it, so I flagged it with read receipt, which I’m sure they just deleted.  Then came cell phones and voice mail.  Except no one really wants to hear your scratchy recorded voice.  Then there’s that horrible pause in smartphones, it has become a waste of time.  All we are left with is the text and texting addicts.  You know them well, that obnoxious person in front of you at the red light, turned green, then yellow before they place their foot on the gas pedal and move on leaving you stranded – cursing and waving your arms in utter disgust, while you check your digital blood pressure reading.  You know what I am talking about.  You see it all the time.  Don’t tell me you just sit there and say,

“Oh look, that lovely person in front of me is texting. I wonder what he is texting? I’m sure it’s important. Oh my, I guess I’ll have to sit through another red light.”

If you are, you need serious help – try #TextAddict.  As for me, I look like an Orangutan on Caffeine, arms all flailing about, rocking my car and screaming louder than the booming Rap tune going off next to me in the little Toyota, whose driver is giving me a dirty look for being so loud.  Yeah buddy, so what?  Karma dude, Karma.

Then there’s all this new technology which keeps you from having to worry about your driving.  You’ve seen the commercial with the guy thinking about everything in the world except his driving a 3,000 pound battering ram, with such profound questions like:

“Did I forget to turn off the coffee?”

“Did I wake my girlfriend up, without my wife knowing it?”

“What’s two plus two? Four, no three… crap.”

“OMG, I forgot to text.”

“Did I change my underwear? OMG, ewwww…. I didn’t”

This is why Google is developing the self driving car – so you can text and play your games at the same time.  In my day they called that mass transit.  I know, I know, I’m an old guy and I don’t get it.

Some people have said I am old-fashioned and don’t get technology.  Oh I get it, I was there when it all began.  I loved it until it dehumanized us.  Now we don’t want to leave the home for the fear of technology separation anxiety attacks. I’m sure kids text their moms, “Sup 4 Sup?” or text their dads “$$$$” simply understood as “Show me da money!“, even though the kid is sitting three feet away.  You see it on Facebook where people have captured the screen image of their text to share it with the world.  Sad just sad.

But here’s the tell-tale sign, logon to a news organization where people opine about items in the news.  Get ready to laugh or cry depending on your mood or intellect.  Americans do not know how to write any more.  Our texts and tweets are getting us into serious trouble.  You simply can’t post your nude photos to the cloud anymore. JLaw (whoever the hell that is) just said people who hack into her nude pictures are committing a sex crime. Jlaw… I say you distributed it with intent of someone viewing it, doesn’t that make you a purveyor of smut? Think about it. Senators and people in Congress can no longer Sext without being caught and gosh darn it, they don’t get reelected.  What is the world coming to?  All this technology is driving us apart and insane.

Now, if you’ll buy my books via a text order – I’ll text to that.  Cheers. IM4DAT.  OMG4400 Orders Daz Waz Sup.

Hey stop honking your horn at me, it’s important!

Absurd isn’t it?