This month on the opposing blog edition, Female Code, is a post the lengths women go through to have a baby and all that follows afterwards. I called this post Baby Olympics, because I finally realized it was a game between women. If one announced she was pregnant, a race had begun. Do not be fooled fellow man club members. You are an unwilling pawn in this game. Here are the signs you are about to be that pawn:
- Your favorite meal is served to perfection and frequently.
- Your wife has taken up the task of reading “50 shades of grey,” and she hints seductively about it.
- Your wife walks past in a negligee you never noticed, simply because she never wears them. The granny gown had been benched.
- She buys you that new set of tools you have been wanting.
- She surprises you with a new 80″ super definition TV for the wall that once had her families photographs on it, and every video game system on the market, and a subscription to the NFL network, and she programmed it so that 12 screens would display 12 games at once.
- You find yourself throwing down the remote or game controller if she begins to sing “Afternoon Delight.”
- She tells you how sexy your beer gut is.
- She supplies you with an edition of “Playboy” for no reason whatsoever.
These are just a few of the signs you are doomed. Sorry, the man club cannot save you, not with ten thousand men can you be saved, it is folly. Because this is the reason we are men, we have very simple DNA, with the F5 genome controlling everything we do, which is:
- Food
- Football
- Fixing it
- Fooling around (which leads to)
- Fatherhood
All that the members of the club can do for you is hope that your training period before the pregnancy occurs last as long (4 years) as it does for real Olympic athletes. So if you cannot be a King of your domain, being a pawn can be just as much fun. Well at least until “Junior” or “Princess” arrives.
