As a man I am always amazed at what women find so important about anniversaries. This month I celebrate my 32nd.\u00a0 Supposedly an anniversary is a day of remembrance of the wedding ceremony and of the love we felt at that very moment.\u00a0 That day was the day I placed the ring on my wife’s wrong finger and hand.\u00a0 Hey, there was no groom training for the event.\u00a0 Somewhere in the DNA of women is a gene holding back for all the insanity that is the wedding.\u00a0 Think about it.\u00a0 Men are rational and logical.\u00a0 We hope to keep the ceremony short and inexpensive so that the honeymoon can get started. Yet it drags on and on and on.\u00a0 Somehow we guys have to come up with a wedding poem that expresses our inner feelings.\u00a0 So, we go to the drugstore and find a Hallmark card for 99 cents that reads:<\/p>\n
“You are sun, the moon, the very air that I breathe.\u00a0 Not a second shall pass in my life that you shall not be on my mind.”<\/em>\u00a0 Well for 99 cents it was short, sweet and simple.<\/p>\n For the bride, oh no!\u00a0 They put together a poem as long, or longer than the story of War and Peace, which his actually a Man Club code book on marriage.\u00a0 This is where we learn to smile and nod in agreement. It is at that very moment this is engrained in our minds forever\u00a0 – grin and nod.<\/p>\n Then there are some rituals of lighting candles and then blowing them out.\u00a0 Once you say “I do”, it goes from “honeymoon” to “honeydo.”\u00a0 Oh don’t tell me you didn’t see that coming?\u00a0 Your first honey do is to never, ever forget the anniversary.<\/p>\n Twenty years pass the wife decides to drag out the “dress.” Yes, that $1K dress that was supposed to be magical and bring eternal life to the bride.\u00a0 That’s when we man club members first experience terror of unimaginable heights, “Honey do I look fat in this?”\u00a0 <\/em>Here you must refer to Section 2 of the Man Club Manual on Basic Survival Skills.<\/p>\n Rule 2.1, Paragraph (a) states:<\/strong><\/p>\n Fight the urge to be truthful.\u00a0 Lie. Lie like you have never lied in your life.\u00a0 The survival of your genes are at stake.\u00a0 Reply should always be: “No honey pumpkin, you look just as gorgeous as you did back in the day we married.”\u00a0<\/em> Then conveniently slip her something made of diamonds and gold.<\/p>\n She may persist however with the following second question: “Why won’t it zip up then?”<\/p>\n Rule 2.1, Paragraph (b) states:<\/strong><\/p>\n Fight the urge to be truthful.\u00a0 Lie. Lie like you have never lied in your life.\u00a0 The survival of your genes are at stake.\u00a0 Reply should always be: “Honey bear, it must have been made in Taiwan.\u00a0 I’m sure of it.”<\/em> Then conveniently slip her something made of diamonds and gold.<\/p>\n Yes by your 50th anniversary your wife will be hunched over from all the guilt ridden bling bling<\/em> you gave her, but hey, by that time you should have grandchildren and fulfilled your Man Club genetics oath to populate the next worthless generation.<\/p>\n You see, anniversaries help men to remember the basics of survival.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" As a man I am always amazed at what women find so important about anniversaries. This month I celebrate my 32nd.\u00a0 Supposedly an anniversary is a day of remembrance of the wedding ceremony and of the love we felt at that very moment.\u00a0 That day was the day I placed the ring on my wife’s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[109,357,544,646,767,1037],"class_list":{"0":"post-762","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-man-club","7":"tag-anniversary","8":"tag-diamonds","9":"tag-gold","10":"tag-humor","11":"tag-love","12":"tag-relationships","13":"czr-hentry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/762","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=762"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/762\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=762"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=762"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=762"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}