Okay I will be the first to start off this hilarious series of life’s most embarrassing moments. What was embarrassing in the past is today’s humor. Learn to laugh at yourself and you will be surrounded by smiling people. Try it, I promise it’s true. Besides look in your mirror, do you see that silly person standing there?<\/p>\n
Without further delay, I admit to having a full body massage at least once per month. I love them, I do. Especially as Rebecca, my therapist stretches my gluteals:<\/p>\n
The gluteal muscles are the three muscles that make up the buttocks: the gluteus maximus muscle, gluteus medius muscle and gluteus minimus muscle.<\/p>\n
At age 53, if any female touches my gluteals, my ego soars. Besides it sounds so Romanesque, like a scene out Monty Python’s “Life of Brian”. “Meet my Phfriend Bwiggus Gluteus Maximus.” But one day, as both my wife and I were receiving the works in a single room, Rebecca begins to laugh. Turns out my boxers had been chewed up by my retriever, Ruby. That is, my golden retriever. Seems a huge chunk on the back of one leg hole had been removed, exposing said blogger’s Bwiggus Gluteus Maximus. My wife failed to discard said pair before laundering them so I gave Rebecca just a little (no pun) peek and a big laugh. <\/p>\n
Then later the owner of the clinic, Gwen, also a long-time friend said to my wife “I can’t wait to get my hands on your husband.” Not referring to my Glutes, but other muscles atrophied from age. But the point is I am outnumbered in a room with three women, 99% naked, torn underwear and Rebecca torturing me into submission. Not really; she is fantastic. Being the big gluteal that I am, I decided to turn the table, so to speak, on Rebecca next time with Personal Message Massage Underwear sayings such as,<\/p>\n
All Hail to Bwiggus Gluteus Maximus
\n Large space for rent – cheap
\n Ah, caught you peeking again Rebecca
\n Spank if you must!
\n Yes, I play tight end for the Chicago Bulls (let’s see what sports talk that creates!)<\/p>\n
These and symbols such as faces, eyeballs, etc. should keep Rebecca rolling in laughter. I will have spawned an entire new line of products for the massage industry and increase employment to record highs and I can then run for President of the United States. It’s my idea and I want my accolades, and yes, the royalties. <\/p>\n
So next time you have an embarrassing moment, “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life!” Get some personal message underwear or bra and make your massage clinic the new Comedy Club. And get your glutes felt off while you are at it.<\/p>\n
Now, beat that moment!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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