{"id":2935,"date":"2015-03-15T09:44:48","date_gmt":"2015-03-15T14:44:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ewgreenlee.wordpress.com\/?p=2935"},"modified":"2024-03-21T21:53:24","modified_gmt":"2024-03-21T21:53:24","slug":"man-club-march-2015-naggopause","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/?p=2935","title":{"rendered":"Man Club – March 2015 (Naggopause)"},"content":{"rendered":"

 <\/p>\n

\"Wedding<\/a>
Yes, its menopause!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Sometimes I lie awake in the early morning hours and just think.\u00a0 Sometimes the thoughts are deep and many times, well, like this one, not so profound.\u00a0 Why do they call it “Menopause?”\u00a0 Do men get a pause from women or women get a pause from men?\u00a0As I said, this\u00a0is not one of my more profound thoughts, but stick with me\u00a0on\u00a0this, because I’m about to set a new trend in the use of words or the homicide rate in\u00a0married households,\u00a0it depends on your perspective and hormone levels.<\/p>\n

The following ten words have been added to the Man Club 2015 edition of\u00a0manly, man rules:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Naggopause<\/span> – that\u00a0very brief period of time when a wife actually allows you some peace.\u00a0 It is also synonymous with the next word.<\/li>\n
  2. Nanopause<\/span> – the length of time \u00a0lapsed in an naggopause, indiscernible to anyone even armed with a nanosecond stop watch.<\/li>\n
  3. Choreopause<\/span> – that period where your honey-dos are given a rest, usually comprising of two nanopauses.<\/li>\n
  4. Sexopause<\/span> – for men married more than seven years, this\u00a0is the length of seven years to the third power, times 2\u00a0 (for those not\u00a0good with math, that’s 12 centuries).<\/li>\n
  5. Viagraopause<\/span> – That period after\u00a0sexopause ends and jumper cables no longer work to revive certain physiological functions.<\/li>\n
  6. Greyopause<\/span> – hopefully that period when you never hear anyone talk about the story, ever again, unless it ends the sexopause, only backed by a contract signed,\u00a0witnessed and fully enforceable in a court of law.<\/li>\n
  7. Spendopause<\/span> – a word, even though completely contrived from thin air\u00a0resonates with the opposite sex, like “fetch” does for a black lab.<\/li>\n
  8. Saveopause<\/span> – a word, even though completely contrived from thin air will not register with the opposite sex.<\/li>\n
  9. Coldfeetopause<\/span> – that period where your wife is in menopause that you get relief from cold winter feet placed near\u00a0a certain obvious heat retaining male organ.<\/li>\n
  10. Beardopause<\/span> – that moment when the love of your life has a better beard than you and wants to borrow your grooming gear. Egads!<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    And there have it, ten words you can now add to your daily conversations with your wife, such as:<\/p>\n

    “Honey would you empty the trash?”<\/em> says the lovely lady.<\/p>\n

    “Geez babe, can I have a few nanaopauses here? Your naggopauses and my choreopauses are getting shorter and shorter!”<\/em><\/p>\n

    Later that evening as you cuddle (their word, not ours) up to that same lovely woman…<\/p>\n

    “Hey babe, is the sexopause over?”<\/em><\/p>\n

    As she turns to you with the look of murder in her eyes, she so lovingly replies,<\/p>\n

    “I’ve decided to extend the sexopause for a milleniumopause.”<\/em><\/p>\n

    Oh crap!!! Appears the female code was also updated.\u00a0 Now you are ready for menopause. That period you wish you weren’t a man, just a mere boy with his bucket of plastic army men playing\u00a0in your parents backyard and girls were something to throw dirt clods at.\u00a0 Sigh…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Sometimes I lie awake in the early morning hours and just think.\u00a0 Sometimes the thoughts are deep and many times, well, like this one, not so profound.\u00a0 Why do they call it “Menopause?”\u00a0 Do men get a pause from women or women get a pause from men?\u00a0As I said, this\u00a0is not one of my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4260,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[259,432,646,654,816,1097,1103,1349],"class_list":{"0":"post-2935","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-man-club","8":"tag-chores","9":"tag-ew-greenlee","10":"tag-humor","11":"tag-husbands","12":"tag-menopause-humor","13":"tag-sex","14":"tag-shaving","15":"tag-wives","16":"czr-hentry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/allivarcreative.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/Man-Club.jpg?fit=800%2C533&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2935","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2935"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2935\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4261,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2935\/revisions\/4261"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4260"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2935"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2935"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2935"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}