{"id":2932,"date":"2015-03-04T17:03:43","date_gmt":"2015-03-04T23:03:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ewgreenlee.wordpress.com\/?p=2932"},"modified":"2015-03-04T17:03:43","modified_gmt":"2015-03-04T23:03:43","slug":"i-am-dead-died-kaput","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/?p=2932","title":{"rendered":"I am dead, died, kaput!"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Three<\/a>
Three Bloggers on the Wall,
Three Bloggers All,
One Falls Down, the others gather around, To write about the Blogger who fell on the Ground<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

I saw this article on Facebook today about bloggers.<\/p>\n

Bloggers Fake Death<\/a><\/p>\n

So, to gain as much attention as possible I am writing this while dying.\u00a0 Why should I not get equal attention?\u00a0 This is Murica!\u00a0 But what am I dying of or died from?\u00a0 Hm….<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Cold Weather<\/li>\n
  2. 3,000 Cable TV channel nothingness<\/li>\n
  3. Hollywood comic book \/ reboot madness.\u00a0 Terminator T-10 and counting \/ Awesomely Amazing Amy and Spiderman Gone Girl.<\/li>\n
  4. Tax season blues<\/li>\n
  5. I helped my wife clean the house<\/li>\n
  6. I lowered the toilet seat<\/li>\n
  7. Took out the trash<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    That’s just a few that have the most realistic probability of occurring.\u00a0 But that doesn’t attract readers and followers, I must… be… creative.<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. I’ve had 28,000 lovers (had to outscore Wilt Chamberlain) and died from exhaustion, even though that calculates to sex every 20 minutes.\u00a0 What a lovely way to go.<\/li>\n
    2. I won the Publishers Cleared Home $7 a week prize for life contest!!!\u00a0 I died of a heart attack, but have a Sport Illustrated Swimsuit edition to line the coffin.<\/li>\n
    3. Brian Williams and I scaled the north face of Everest.\u00a0 He survived to tell the\u00a0tale, but gave me no credit. What a pal!<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Well, it turns out I am not as creative as\u00a0I thought.\u00a0 I suppose it is because I love life and love to hear\u00a0people laugh.\u00a0 It’s not about me all the time.\u00a0 I don’t need 100,000 blog followers (at least\u00a0yet) to obtain daily affirmation.\u00a0 I have a mirror for that and an image of Stuart Smalley running around my brain.\u00a0 You’re special and dog gone it, people like me.<\/p>\n

      I feel sorry for those\u00a0in this world that suffer from loneliness and depression.\u00a0 Writing and conversing with others brings me up and\u00a0I learn from it was well.\u00a0 I have many\u00a0simple philosophies\u00a0in life:<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Commit one single act of kindness per day.<\/li>\n
      2. Give attention to someone speaking.<\/li>\n
      3. Smile.<\/li>\n
      4. Find ways to live and learn filling\u00a0every day with as much as possible.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        We live in a very harsh period of human history where technology can lift you up or tear you down quickly, depending if you are honest and sincere, or just plain\u00a0narcissistic.<\/p>\n

        I write because I love to and\u00a0most of my humor writing is inspired by Dave Barry, who is self deprecating and simply takes real world news and blows it out of proportion, with\u00a0a little scent of satire splashed in to make you think.\u00a0 If you ever\u00a0read me\u00a0in woeful mood here, just digitally slap the crap\u00a0out of me, I’m not the only one in this world with problems.\u00a0 I promise I’ll pull my big boy pants up\u00a0and get a grip or seek professional help.\u00a0 Then I’ll be right back to tell you all about it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

          I saw this article on Facebook today about bloggers. Bloggers Fake Death So, to gain as much attention as possible I am writing this while dying.\u00a0 Why should I not get equal attention?\u00a0 This is Murica!\u00a0 But what am I dying of or died from?\u00a0 Hm…. Cold Weather 3,000 Cable TV channel nothingness Hollywood […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[178,186,340,646,854,1097],"class_list":{"0":"post-2932","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-life-in-general","7":"tag-biran-williams-was-there","8":"tag-bloggers","9":"tag-death","10":"tag-humor","11":"tag-mount-everest","12":"tag-sex","13":"czr-hentry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2932","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2932"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2932\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2932"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2932"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2932"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}