{"id":2920,"date":"2015-02-28T14:25:46","date_gmt":"2015-02-28T20:25:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ewgreenlee.wordpress.com\/?p=2920"},"modified":"2015-02-28T14:25:46","modified_gmt":"2015-02-28T20:25:46","slug":"weather-chaos","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/?p=2920","title":{"rendered":"Weather Chaos"},"content":{"rendered":"

For the last three weeks we have had crappy weather, which in turn lasts until Monday, so that the crappiest day of all the week is crappified by the power of ten.\u00a0 If you have 3 crappy weather systems spun by polar vortices you get crap to the power of ten, tripled.\u00a0 Whatever.\u00a0 I\u00a0haven’t used high level math\u00a0since college.\u00a0 The point is, enough crap already!\u00a0 If I were the weather chipmunk, squirrel, or any variety of rather large rodent, even I’d take a bite out of the mayor’s ear for pulling me out of my comfy earthen bunker, interrupting the “Dancing\u00a0with Rodents” season finale.<\/p>\n

I get it, I get it – we are in a cycle of weather chaos created by global weather changing chaos.\u00a0 People in Alaska are actually at the beach surfing with the Kodiaks, a bear weighing half a ton, not a couple you just met from Arkansas, while I’m here in Oklahoma writing a crappy blog that\u00a03 people subscribe to – all family members.\u00a0 I want to be outside, running around in\u00a0my shorts, planting a garden and mowing my lawn like a man.\u00a0 But the forecasters keep giving me more crap with winter storms Quantum, Rectal and Squantum –\u00a0all just days apart.\u00a0 My skin is so dry\u00a0and my Eczema is so intense, I have dried skin flakes\u00a0all around my face.\u00a0 See!<\/p>\n

\"EddieNut3\"<\/a><\/p>\n

People\u00a0in Boston are literally building\u00a0ten story snow condo’s and charging rent.\u00a0Recent photographs show the Nantucket\u00a0looking like a giant Slurpee machine.\u00a0All this explains the odd accent of Bostonians, their lips are frozen!\u00a0Pipes are bursting in DC, while our politicians are on lobbyist junkets to Costa Rica, creating a government budget chaos.\u00a0 But never fear, politicians are cold-blooded creatures and they will survive, they don’t know the difference, nor the meaning of the word “budget”.<\/p>\n

This winter has interrupted my tax season more than ever, with several Monday’s being missed, forcing me to work Sundays.\u00a0 Crap to the power of ten, tripled.\u00a0 They say that all this cold may find us with a baby boom.\u00a0 How?\u00a0 Why is anyone going to get naked in this cold?\u00a0 My wife has ten layers of quilts on the bed, thermal underwear and an artic burka on.\u00a0 Even if I could move under the crushing weight of the quilts to make a move, de-clothing my wife would result in cardiac arrest.<\/p>\n

The ice age is upon us and yet according to Scientific American, we can expect a rapid warming.\u00a0 And that’s bad?!\u00a0 If so, then\u00a0warming,\u00a0cooling, nor change is the appropriate word for our weather,\u00a0just\u00a0chaos.\u00a0 We have only a few more letters left to name winter storms, then we start all over.\u00a0 I keep hoping a scene out of the blockbuster movie inspired by Algorisms, “Global Crappy\u00a0Chaos<\/em>“, has DC frozen over in a matter of hours so\u00a0that all the activities of the IRS,\u00a0including email destruction, comes to halt finally fulfilling the\u00a0preamble to the constitution –\u00a0“Life, Liberty and the\u00a0Pursuit of Happiness.”\u00a0 Hey, if you are going to have crappy weather, let’s have something positive come from it.<\/p>\n

My\u00a0point is this, life will give you plenty of crap, and weather will simply\u00a0pile more of it on.\u00a0 So all we can do is\u00a0pull our big person thermal underwear up and deal with it the best way we can.\u00a0 All I can do is provide cold crappy humor, and that should be a warming thought.<\/p>\n

You are welcome.<\/p>\n

Now chime in, what crappy weather story do you have to share?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For the last three weeks we have had crappy weather, which in turn lasts until Monday, so that the crappiest day of all the week is crappified by the power of ten.\u00a0 If you have 3 crappy weather systems spun by polar vortices you get crap to the power of ten, tripled.\u00a0 Whatever.\u00a0 I\u00a0haven’t used […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[136,204,286,683,1020,1097,1197,1200,1325,1345],"class_list":{"0":"post-2920","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-humor","7":"tag-baby-making","8":"tag-boston","9":"tag-cold","10":"tag-irs","11":"tag-quilts","12":"tag-sex","13":"tag-tax-season","14":"tag-taxes","15":"tag-weather","16":"tag-winter","17":"czr-hentry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2920","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2920"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2920\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2920"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2920"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2920"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}