{"id":2772,"date":"2014-02-21T13:59:12","date_gmt":"2014-02-21T19:59:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ewgreenlee.wordpress.com\/?p=2772"},"modified":"2024-02-17T23:49:19","modified_gmt":"2024-02-17T23:49:19","slug":"coffee-chaos-february-2014-lord-of-the-latte-extended-version","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/?p=2772","title":{"rendered":"Coffee Chaos – February 2014 (Lord of the Latte, Extended Version)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"LordofTheLatte\"<\/a><\/p>\n

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I am a Lord of the Rings junkie.\u00a0 So when I saw this picture on Facebook without a caption, I had to steal it and with my magic staff knowledge of Photoshop and add a snappy little saying to it.<\/p>\n

Although I love Lord of the Rings, it is ripe for a lifetime of parodies including a never ending parody on “Lord of the Latte” or “Lord of the Bean”\u00a0 (starring none other than Sean Bean).\u00a0 I could easily play the voice of Sauron in the morning before one drop of coffee. Here’s a sample:<\/p>\n

Osh Gosh Bnosh Riptator Ungoly Bosh<\/em><\/h2>\n

In the black speech of Mordor this translates to,\u00a0 God hurry up Mr. Coffee!\u00a0 Brew faster you sucker!<\/em><\/p>\n

I often wonder if my addiction to Colombian Supremo is a curse by some Colombian Dark Bean Lord named Sauron Valdez, the evil twin of Juan Valdez, because honestly there is nothing worthy hanging on to in life without coffee, well, other than the 5:00 wine hour.\u00a0 Besides you need the alcohol in wine to counteract the caffeine in the coffee.\u00a0 The balance of life on this upper earth is at stake.<\/p>\n

Once I’ve had one cup I’m ready for my Gollum\/Smeagol impersonation.\u00a0 Here you can see me writhing as I fondle my coffee mug.\u00a0 Yes, I wrote fondle, what of it?<\/p>\n

It came to me, my preciousss’s’s (sic) <\/em>Gollum<\/p>\n

Nobody likes you!<\/em> Gollum<\/p>\n

After a pot of Supremo they do!<\/em> Smeagol<\/p>\n

No they don’t, coffee hog!<\/em> Gollum<\/p>\n

Go away.\u00a0 I hate you.<\/em> Smeagol<\/p>\n

I can’t go away you fool. Without me you’d be nowhere. It’s the Supremo talking.<\/em> Gollum<\/p>\n

How my wife has stayed married to me for almost 34 years now is as mysterious as why the fellowship didn’t take Eagle Express Airlines to mount doom.\u00a0 I mean, come on, I’m all for quests but 3 movies and 4 hours each contributes to obesity.\u00a0 You have to consume 5 large cartons of popcorn and 3 monster soda’s to survive the extended version marathon.\u00a0 Well, unless you are like me and then you just drink Supremo from beginning to end and actually look like Gollum at the end.\u00a0 Then we get to add on the Hobbit trilogy extended version and actually convert to Gollum Couch Potato (PO-TA-TOE).<\/p>\n

And speaking of Mount Doom, what fool invented decaffeinated coffee?\u00a0 Do you drink decocoanated hot chocolate? Or alchol free wine, a Mai Tai, or Sneaky Tiki? Oh hell no you don’t!\u00a0 Whoever invented this concept should be thrust into the flames for whence they belong.\u00a0 For without caffeine, I do my most famous Sauron impersonation:<\/p>\n

Osh Crappo Raggol Bean Def Dafool<\/h2>\n

In the black speech of Mordor this translates to, There is no life in the void, only decaffeinated death!<\/em><\/p>\n

\"BoromirSaidCoffee\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I am a Lord of the Rings junkie.\u00a0 So when I saw this picture on Facebook without a caption, I had to steal it and with my magic staff knowledge of Photoshop and add a snappy little saying to it. Although I love Lord of the Rings, it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4163,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[203,281,432,509,548,646,764,853,1128],"class_list":{"0":"post-2772","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-coffee-chaos","8":"tag-boromir-says","9":"tag-coffee","10":"tag-ew-greenlee","11":"tag-gandalf","12":"tag-gollum","13":"tag-humor","14":"tag-lord-of-the-rings","15":"tag-mount-doom","16":"tag-smeagol","17":"czr-hentry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/allivarcreative.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/CoffeeChaos3.png?fit=300%2C157&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2772","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2772"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2772\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4160,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2772\/revisions\/4160"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4163"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2772"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2772"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2772"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}