{"id":2628,"date":"2013-10-18T13:28:14","date_gmt":"2013-10-18T18:28:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ewgreenlee.wordpress.com\/?p=2628"},"modified":"2013-10-18T13:28:14","modified_gmt":"2013-10-18T18:28:14","slug":"spanx-for-men-no-thanks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/?p=2628","title":{"rendered":"Spanx for Men – No Thanks!"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"HamishSpanx\"<\/a>
Dr. Spanxster Rhyme<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

As usual, my friends on Facebook provide the material for my insanity. One of my female friends drug me into this one with the the following question.\u00a0 Here it goes:<\/p>\n

I have a question for the ladies……. Be honest! Have you ever tried spanx? LOL!<\/em>
\n I did once, I couldn’t get in and out of it! What was your experience? Ha Ha.<\/em>
\n<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Then, for some reason, I was pulled into this with this comment:<\/p>\n

EW Greenlee, You have got to jump into this one! This stuff is right up your alley!<\/em><\/p>\n

This caught me by surprise, because I wondered if she knew I was a man.\u00a0 Was Spanx some form of 50 Shades board and rack game?\u00a0 Do not pass go, do not collect $200, bend over and receive your Spanx.\u00a0 I had no idea why I was being dragged into this one, so I researched Spanx and found it was just undergarments. Really, really tight undergarments. \u00a0 Whew….\u00a0 So I replied back,<\/p>\n

Sorry, I don’t jump into women’s panties. Who do you think I am?!<\/em><\/p>\n

Then one reader responded “Kilt Spanx”, to which I replied,<\/p>\n

Sorry, I go all natural when wearing kilts. I never know when I need to do the Braveheart flash scene. Freeeeedom! Aiyeeee!<\/em><\/p>\n

If you have ever seen that scene you know what I am talking about.\u00a0 If not, rent it and see what’s under those kilts – both sides!!<\/p>\n

\"Men<\/a>
Well I’ll be Spanxed!!!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Now the instigator of this madness replied one last time,<\/p>\n

I know you love to laugh. You’re going to have try this, and then write about it. It would be a hoot! Get Tracey one too, and make it a couple’s event! LOL!<\/em><\/p>\n

So as you can see my absurd readers are waiting patiently for my brilliant post.<\/p>\n

First off, if my wife and I ever decided to go all 50 Shades of Spanx and share panties, I would not share it with anyone. Second, there would be no sex tape, unless I have $1 billion in pre-orders (hey, scruples can be bought!)\u00a0 Just for fun I thought I share some of their comments, since I was asked to jump in.<\/p>\n

Sure been thinking about getting some! Anything that might hid the reality!<\/em><\/p>\n

I finally got it on and then….thought I would never get it off and I might die.<\/em><\/p>\n

Do they come in extra large?<\/em><\/p>\n

I never squirmed and twisted so much in my life! It was awful<\/em><\/p>\n

I felt like a fish flopping out of water!<\/em><\/p>\n

I thought I should call an EMT! Hey, I am serious…..I was scared….<\/em><\/p>\n

Same here I lost my courage, I wouldn’t even try a larger size! It was awful!<\/em><\/p>\n

I bought one of those deals for my daughter’s wedding.. sweated like a pig.. She got married in June. I thought I was gonna die.<\/em><\/p>\n

I sweated like a pig, because I was struggling so hard to get it off!!!!<\/em><\/p>\n

I found the Power Panty far too tight (First male response – the Wuss Wuss train is now boarding)
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

They make these for men too! You’re a curious soul…. (Referring to yours truly)<\/em><\/p>\n

No, I am not THAT curious.\u00a0 But I do love to laugh.\u00a0 I can only imagine a bunch of menopausal women squirming and sweating like a bunch of pigs as a good night of fun – NOT!\u00a0 Is this what really happens at Bunko?<\/p>\n

You ladies and Mr. Wuss Wuss, should have known any product named SPANX is going to hurt.\u00a0 If I decide I want to become a soprano opera wuss wuus, I’ll give Spanx a try.\u00a0 Geez Mon!<\/p>\n

\"chimp\"<\/a>
No, no…. Don’t say it!
Spanx the Monkey!
You just had too, didn’t you!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

And there you have it!\u00a0 My contribution to the product known as Spanx, to which Famous Hamish (my alter ego) says NO THANKS!\u00a0 I have a wife, isn’t that torture enough!<\/p>\n

LEGAL DISCLOSURE – to those who love Spanx and make their livelihood from Spanx, just understand this is absurd humor and I hope you like to laugh.\u00a0 If you decide to sue me, will you settle for 50% of my sex tape preorders?<\/strong><\/h6>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As usual, my friends on Facebook provide the material for my insanity. One of my female friends drug me into this one with the the following question.\u00a0 Here it goes: I have a question for the ladies……. Be honest! Have you ever tried spanx? LOL! I did once, I couldn’t get in and out of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[60,209,432,456,646,722,814,932,1147,1154,1182,1280],"class_list":{"0":"post-2628","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-famous-hamish","7":"tag-50-shades-of-grey","8":"tag-braveheart","9":"tag-ew-greenlee","10":"tag-fashion","11":"tag-humor","12":"tag-kilts","13":"tag-menopausal-women","14":"tag-opera","15":"tag-soprano","16":"tag-spanx","17":"tag-sweating-pigs","18":"tag-undergarments","19":"czr-hentry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2628","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2628"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2628\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2628"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2628"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2628"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}