{"id":2256,"date":"2013-05-30T08:32:41","date_gmt":"2013-05-30T13:32:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ewgreenlee.wordpress.com\/?p=2256"},"modified":"2013-05-30T08:32:41","modified_gmt":"2013-05-30T13:32:41","slug":"the-workout-from-hell-or-was-is-it-yoda-vodka-gollum-soda-or-yoga","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/?p=2256","title":{"rendered":"The Workout From Hell – Or was is it Yoda, Vodka, Gollum, Soda or Yoga"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"man-exercising\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I decided about a month ago to get back into shape one last time in my lifetime and then keep it that way.\u00a0 On June 16th I will turn 54 (gifts welcomed) and getting in shape has become a little harder than I thought.\u00a0 I go to the gym and step on the elliptical trainer and do 15 minutes from hell.\u00a0 I watch the calorie burner and in that time I’ve burned off just one diet soft drink (120 calories).\u00a0 Are you kidding me!!\u00a0 I sweat more than enough to fill a six pack!\u00a0 Next, I journey to the weight machines to try to bring my muscles back off the floor.\u00a0 As I lift 80 pounds, some 100 pound female walks by and sits straight across from me and squats 850 pounds, then prances off giggling.\u00a0 Show off!\u00a0 It is hard to imagine that I was once 135 pounds at high school graduation, worked out and gained 50 pounds of muscle, stopped working out and gained 50 more pounds of flubber rubber.\u00a0 Yet, my chicken legs are as skinny as they were in high school.<\/p>\n

But now I have a workout buddy – my wife! Woo hoo! My wife has never truly cared for exercising – period!\u00a0 Even she is seeing the need to exercise.\u00a0 I think it was the AARP membership drive package she received when she turned 50 that was the inspiration.\u00a0 So we decided to invest in exercise mats to do daily stretching, which some call Yoga.\u00a0 I call it Holycrapa!\u00a0 I watched a YouTube video on Yoga and even watching the instructor made my knees crackle and pop.\u00a0 My wife swears I just watch for the instructor.\u00a0 You be the judge.<\/p>\n

[youtube=http:\/\/youtu.be\/fl5XpKu0W7I]<\/p>\n

Now this is definitely not Yoga for Old Farts<\/em>, as I was hoping, this was Yoga for Martians Pretending to be People<\/em>.\u00a0 Are you serious? Holycrapa! Then this instructor says, “let’s do it again.”\u00a0 I couldn’t do that once, even when I was a toddler!\u00a0 Watching this alone gave me an instant OMG! (Oh My Groin) moment.\u00a0 Where’s the beginner video of just 1 hour of laying on the floor motionless in meditation, followed by one leg lift? So after actually searching for Yoga for Old Farts<\/em>, I found what I was looking for.<\/p>\n

[youtube=http:\/\/youtu.be\/nYWSLwClE7s]<\/p>\n

I can do that<\/em>! As I was doing this strenuous Yoga exercise, to the right of the video were other suggestions, such as a Gollum and Yoda parody, a soda, and a vodka ad.\u00a0 Soon I found myself more interested in funny videos instead of getting in shape (sigh).\u00a0 It was at that moment the latest AARP membership package arrived offering discounts to new AARP members with ADD,\u00a0 offering a free beginners Yoga class taught by master yogi Yoda Gollum, followed by dinner served with a soda mixed vodka. Okay, these search engines are getting a little too<\/em> good.<\/p>\n

So, hi ho, hi ho, it’s back to the gym I go. But for tonight, me and my workout buddy are going to enjoy a glass of wine. Hey, lifting the bottle, pouring and then curling to sip counts as exercise!!!\u00a0 Well, it does in my world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I decided about a month ago to get back into shape one last time in my lifetime and then keep it that way.\u00a0 On June 16th I will turn 54 (gifts welcomed) and getting in shape has become a little harder than I thought.\u00a0 I go to the gym and step on the elliptical trainer […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[62,432,434,646,926,1304,1342,1358,1359,1361],"class_list":{"0":"post-2256","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-uncategorized","7":"tag-aarp","8":"tag-ew-greenlee","9":"tag-exercise","10":"tag-humor","11":"tag-old-farts","12":"tag-vodka","13":"tag-wine","14":"tag-yoda","15":"tag-yoga","16":"tag-youtube","17":"czr-hentry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2256","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2256"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2256\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2256"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2256"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2256"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}