{"id":2209,"date":"2013-05-17T11:44:46","date_gmt":"2013-05-17T16:44:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ewgreenlee.wordpress.com\/?p=2209"},"modified":"2013-05-17T11:44:46","modified_gmt":"2013-05-17T16:44:46","slug":"news-headlines-you-just-cant-make-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/?p=2209","title":{"rendered":"News Headlines You Just Can’t Make Up"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"URANUS\"<\/a><\/p>\n

This was the actual headline<\/a> I read in an article today. Now I am not sure if this was done on purpose to get people more interested in science, or the writer was a starving comedian, or a completely absurd fool.\u00a0 Whoever named the planet must have been a comedian, so I looked it up on Wikipedia<\/a>.\u00a0 Turns out it is the Latinized name of the Greek God Ouranos.\u00a0 Now that’s even funnier “Ouranos.”\u00a0 I can see it now two astronomers arguing over the naming.<\/p>\n

“I see Ouranos in the sky!”<\/em><\/p>\n

“That’s not Myanos, it’s Uranus! I’m a vegetarian and because of your violent and gassy carnivorous winds, it shall be called Uranus.”<\/em><\/p>\n

You see if NASA was truly as brilliant as they claim to be, they’d name things after comedy and sex.\u00a0 Remember – SEX SELLS.\u00a0 Such as, renaming a constellation to “50 Shadius Greyanos.”\u00a0 NASA would have it’s very own TV channel with gazillions of subscribers.\u00a0 They could have Maxim Hotties give debriefings or this is Kate Upton with a news flash on Uranus.<\/p>\n

Life on the planet would never be dull.\u00a0 They could have a fictional show titled, “The Real Housewives of Uranus.”\u00a0 TV Reporters, trying to get the lead on a news report would be heard saying, “We have a major gas leak here on Uranus.”\u00a0 Imagine our political speeches!<\/p>\n

“And now welcome the President of Uranus – Harry Proctologer.”<\/em><\/p>\n

A reporter speaks softly into his mic, “the president has come to the podium for the the State of Uranus speech.”<\/p>\n

“My fellow Uranusians, today we are working hard to make Uranus the place upon a shining and gaseous free hill.\u00a0 Soon you will feel the winds of change. Blah, blah, blah…, blah, blah. God bless you and god bless Uranus.”<\/em><\/p>\n

In the opposing party speech, the person would proclaim, “what a big gassy bag of wind that was?”<\/p>\n

Finally, here on Earth we could send all our really horrible criminals to a maximum security prison on the planet.\u00a0 For there will be no escape from Uranus.<\/p>\n

I think we should rename the planet, it has become the butt of all jokes.<\/p>\n

What?\u00a0 You didn’t think I’d stoop this low?\u00a0 Hey, it’s news!!!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This was the actual headline I read in an article today. Now I am not sure if this was done on purpose to get people more interested in science, or the writer was a starving comedian, or a completely absurd fool.\u00a0 Whoever named the planet must have been a comedian, so I looked it up […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[60,300,432,638,646,877,890,942,977,1029,1097,1101,1283],"class_list":{"0":"post-2209","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-uncategorized","7":"tag-50-shades-of-grey","8":"tag-constellations","9":"tag-ew-greenlee","10":"tag-hottie","11":"tag-humor","12":"tag-myanos","13":"tag-nasa","14":"tag-ouranos","15":"tag-planets","16":"tag-real-housewifes","17":"tag-sex","18":"tag-sexy","19":"tag-uranus","20":"czr-hentry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2209","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2209"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2209\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2209"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2209"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2209"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}