{"id":2148,"date":"2013-05-02T09:26:32","date_gmt":"2013-05-02T14:26:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ewgreenlee.wordpress.com\/?p=2148"},"modified":"2013-05-02T09:26:32","modified_gmt":"2013-05-02T14:26:32","slug":"the-man-club-may-2013-edition-mother-may-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/?p=2148","title":{"rendered":"The Man Club – May 2013 Edition (Mother May Day)"},"content":{"rendered":"

May is a special month.\u00a0 May 1st is where we may celebrate or we may protest against work.\u00a0 As a professionally starving writer, I celebrate that my accounting skills may support me, while I may just become a world best-selling author.\u00a0 It is also the month we may celebrate Cinco De Mayo at Taco Mayo.\u00a0 We may celebrate and honor the memory of all those that have died defending this great nation. We may celebrate our mother’s, who decided not to strangle us.<\/p>\n

This is a true story.\u00a0 When I was young I never had problems entertaining myself.\u00a0 All I had to do was find the objects of my amusement.\u00a0 Just about anything would work, but cans of hairspray make great objects for the imagination.\u00a0 If you are old enough to recall fighter planes of WWI from movies or history books, you noticed they had two machine guns right behind the propeller.\u00a0 How those bullets made it through amazes me to this very day.<\/p>\n

\"FighterPilot\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Now that you have the image engrained in the brain, substitute two cans of hairspray.\u00a0 Now the goal was to lock myself in my mother’s bathroom and chase down one (1) fly. Just like a WWI fighter pilot, I’d spray bullets of goo on that one (1) fly until the Red Baron (that’s me of course) took his arch nemesis to the ground.\u00a0 Unfortunately for me and my mother it takes two cans to bring down just 1 fly.\u00a0 In the process of battle the entire bathroom became like one big piece of fly paper.<\/p>\n

Needless to say I had to escape the scene but my shoes stuck to the floor, leaving damning evidence.\u00a0 Then, my mother would decide come to use the potty and stick to it.\u00a0 That’s when the brave hero, the Red Baron, after hearing his full name called out, ran and hid under the bed. When mothers call out your full name, your future existence is about a 50\/50 proposition.\u00a0 Soon the famous Red Baron had a new name.\u00a0 The Red Buttocks Baron.\u00a0 Geez, you would think I’d be saluted by killing that one (1) fly that would mass produce 1 kazillion flies and fly descendents.<\/p>\n

You see, back in my day, corporal punishment was socially accepted and expected.\u00a0 Unruly kids needed to know their place and the consequences for their actions.\u00a0 The goals was to keep you out of prison.\u00a0 I truly thank both my mom and dad for it, as they taught me life is tough and sometimes painful.\u00a0 My mom was a stay at home mom.\u00a0 She endured my whims. She endured my two sisters, who, once they discovered boys lost their minds completely. Because of my mother and mothers worldwide, and the month of May, I drafted Section 3 of the Man Club:<\/p>\n

Section 3 – Mothers May Day<\/strong><\/p>\n

All members are to bow before their mothers at least one day a year.\u00a0 You are to look them in their eyes and thank them.\u00a0 Thank them for bringing you into this world and not strangling you.\u00a0 Shower them with flowers, or their choice of chocolates, but let them hear the words I LOVE YOU.\u00a0 Then ask them kindly and gently if you are now ungrounded from 2nd grade.<\/em><\/p>\n

Crap, I forgot to say, “Mother May I.”\u00a0 Well, maybe next year she will finally forgive me for that sticky rear incident.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

May is a special month.\u00a0 May 1st is where we may celebrate or we may protest against work.\u00a0 As a professionally starving writer, I celebrate that my accounting skills may support me, while I may just become a world best-selling author.\u00a0 It is also the month we may celebrate Cinco De Mayo at Taco Mayo.\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[258,432,473,483,486,487,582,646,801,802,809,852,1033],"class_list":{"0":"post-2148","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-man-club","7":"tag-chocolate","8":"tag-ew-greenlee","9":"tag-fighter-pilot","10":"tag-flies","11":"tag-flowers","12":"tag-fly","13":"tag-hairspray","14":"tag-humor","15":"tag-may","16":"tag-may-day","17":"tag-memorial-day","18":"tag-mothers","19":"tag-red-baron","20":"czr-hentry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2148","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2148"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2148\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2148"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2148"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2148"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}