{"id":2106,"date":"2013-04-23T17:01:58","date_gmt":"2013-04-23T22:01:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ewgreenlee.wordpress.com\/?p=2106"},"modified":"2013-04-23T17:01:58","modified_gmt":"2013-04-23T22:01:58","slug":"phone-misdials-mistresses","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/?p=2106","title":{"rendered":"My Phone Misdial Mistress"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"My<\/a>
Mabel – My Misdial Mistress<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Sorry folks, I’ve been busy and my brain has been fried.\u00a0 I read a humor blog today regarding phone actresses and it reminded me of the time I made a simple dialing error.\u00a0 I am a CPA.\u00a0 I use tax software.\u00a0 At one time I used CCH’s ProSystemFX.\u00a0 Stay with me, I promise its going to be good.\u00a0 If I needed support I would dial 800-739-9998.\u00a0 One day I needed support, but I had no idea how much support I was about to get when I misdialed 800-739-9999.\u00a0 Normally there is a delay and you have to press a bunch of buttons to get to your right party.\u00a0 Not that day!\u00a0 I was delivered to excellent service almost immediately.\u00a0 I was half asleep, as all accountants are during tax season, but boy did I wake up fast when I heard,<\/p>\n

“Ooh baby, you’ve called 800 (I won’t repeat what was said), what’s your desire.”<\/em><\/p>\n

My first thought was, what the hell did I just dial? Then I saw how one little extra 9 made the difference.\u00a0 But hey, this was my first interaction with a phone actress, so I decided to play along.<\/p>\n

“I’m an accountant and I need some dirty code talk.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“What!”<\/em>\u00a0 She seemed rather surprised.<\/p>\n

“This is 800-739-9998, extension 9, dirty code talk, isn’t it?”<\/em><\/p>\n

“Listen buddy this 800-739-9999. I only do (expletives, expletives, expletives)”<\/em><\/p>\n

“You mean this isn’t Mabel at extension 9? I need dirty code talk and I need it baaaaaaad!”<\/em> I said desperately and then pulled the phone away a I roared with laughter and almost lost control of my bladder.<\/p>\n

“I’ll be Mabel or whoever you wish if you just give me your credit card information,”<\/em> she said in a sensual and alluring tone.<\/p>\n

“Well maybe, but I want a sample.\u00a0 Pretend you are Mabel and you want some down and dirty depreciation,”<\/em> I said with a tone of impatience.<\/p>\n

“You are one sick @#%$%*^ puppy mister,”<\/em> she said shocked.<\/p>\n

I am sure she has no idea what depreciation is and had no appreciation for my depreciation humor.<\/p>\n

“Okay maybe that was a little too forward.\u00a0 It’s hard for most to take the full section 179 all at once. So Mabel, tell me how I can increase the size of my miscellaneous itemized deductions?”\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

“I don’t do this SICK STUFF you perverted $@##@&*!”<\/em><\/p>\n

CLICK<\/p>\n

Well dang!\u00a0 That was the most fun I have ever had during ANY tax season.\u00a0 Now I never really knew the phone actresses real name, so Mabel had to do.\u00a0 I will recall her fondly for the rest of my life because she taught me something that day.<\/p>\n

THE TAX CODE IS PERVERTED – Don’t you agree?<\/p>\n

I think I’m ready for a new career as a phone actor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sorry folks, I’ve been busy and my brain has been fried.\u00a0 I read a humor blog today regarding phone actresses and it reminded me of the time I made a simple dialing error.\u00a0 I am a CPA.\u00a0 I use tax software.\u00a0 At one time I used CCH’s ProSystemFX.\u00a0 Stay with me, I promise its going […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[73,432,646,967,1000,1097,1199,1200],"class_list":{"0":"post-2106","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-uncategorized","7":"tag-actress","8":"tag-ew-greenlee","9":"tag-humor","10":"tag-phone-sex","11":"tag-pranks","12":"tag-sex","13":"tag-tax-software","14":"tag-taxes","15":"czr-hentry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2106","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2106"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2106\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2106"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2106"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2106"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}