{"id":1876,"date":"2013-03-14T09:15:48","date_gmt":"2013-03-14T14:15:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ewgreenlee.wordpress.com\/?p=1876"},"modified":"2013-03-14T09:15:48","modified_gmt":"2013-03-14T14:15:48","slug":"fowls-gone-wild","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/?p=1876","title":{"rendered":"Fowls Gone Wild"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Fowls<\/a>
Fowls Gone Wild<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Just to give you an idea of how absurd I am, I stalk my friends on Facebook for my material.\u00a0 Every so often they surprise me with some of their posts, like the one today,<\/p>\n

“Got some chicken breast out.. Any suggestions folks? I’m up to trying something new..”<\/em><\/p>\n

Now I suppose sane people would automatically think – to cook the breasts.\u00a0 Did I mention my absurdity?\u00a0 The statement above really doesn’t talk about cooking now does it?\u00a0 So how does yours truly respond,<\/p>\n

“Get some Turkey breasts out and create a video – Fowls Gone wild.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Now all the other commentators kept talking about recipes and roasting times. How utterly boring!\u00a0 Refer back to her comment “I’m up to trying something new.”\u00a0 How much more new and original can a fowl breasts video be?\u00a0 I mean really!\u00a0 So the next person talks about baking them to a golden brown.\u00a0 That’s when I catapulted myself back into the conversation,<\/p>\n

“Well if you brown them they can be featured in\u00a0 – Wild Fowls of Daytona Beach”<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Wild<\/a>
Wild Fowls of Daytona Beach<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I also suggested she make a Lady Gaga Breasts Dress, since she’s fond of meat outfits. I’ve heard of things called hand breasts and hair breasts, but hey, be a trend setter and get photographed with fowl breasts breasts.<\/p>\n

Now no one was buying my sense of humor.\u00a0 They just ignored me. So I gave in and stated to try Jamaican Jerk. That’s when someone replied, “Oh sure, she’d have to go to Jamaica.”\u00a0 I rolled my eyes and if I had been one nanosecond sharper I would have replied, “Well look for American Jerk, you should be able to find it easily.”\u00a0 Some people!<\/p>\n

That’s why I used blog tags of Breasts and Boobies. Ah, caught you looking didn’t I?<\/p>\n

Now speaking of fowl breasts, has anyone besides me also noticed how big fowl breasts are getting?\u00a0 They are huge! When my wife serves them my eyes go buggy and my mouth waters, but they are more than a mouthful for sure. Sometimes they are really tough.\u00a0 Are they injecting fowl breasts with Botox to firm em up?<\/p>\n

Sometimes we go to the local Asian cafe and I order Chicken Kung Pao, but when the lady repeats the order I blush, “You wun won bow chicka wow wow<\/em>?”\u00a0 I love Asians, I really do.\u00a0 They remind me of the hard working America of my youth.\u00a0 They try so hard to learn English and I try not to laugh, but darn it, they are so funny.\u00a0 That’s when the lady looks at me as I’m smiling, she’s not, and she says “You no come here no mo. No mo bow chicka wow wow for you, you American Jerk<\/em>.”\u00a0 That’s when I got down on my knees, weeping, and humbly submitting.\u00a0 Because I love my chicka wow wow kung pao.<\/p>\n

To end this fowl humor blog I leave you with a fowl joke.<\/p>\n

Kerplunk, kerplunk, kerplunk, kerplunk, kerplunk.\u00a0 What is that sound?\u00a0 That’s the sound of big breasted chicken stumbling to cross the road.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"chicken-breast\"<\/a><\/p>\n

What?\u00a0 Your not laughing?\u00a0 Geez, some people!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Just to give you an idea of how absurd I am, I stalk my friends on Facebook for my material.\u00a0 Every so often they surprise me with some of their posts, like the one today, “Got some chicken breast out.. Any suggestions folks? I’m up to trying something new..” Now I suppose sane people would […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[124,193,205,214,250,337,384,390,432,440,456,494,646,740,805,1267],"class_list":{"0":"post-1876","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-uncategorized","7":"tag-asian","8":"tag-boobies","9":"tag-botox","10":"tag-breasts","11":"tag-chicken","12":"tag-daytona-beach","13":"tag-dress","14":"tag-duck","15":"tag-ew-greenlee","16":"tag-facebook","17":"tag-fashion","18":"tag-fowl","19":"tag-humor","20":"tag-lady-gaga","21":"tag-meat-lovers","22":"tag-turkey","23":"czr-hentry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1876","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1876"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1876\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1876"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1876"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allivarcreative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1876"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}